Sam Editorial: The Book of Jengesis

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Welcome, friends, to the mystical and wild universe that we live. One where Jenga is at the root of every fibre of our universe. The Jenga Model of the atom has recently been discovered by esteemed scientist Albert Jengastein, totally validating the beliefs of Jengites worldwide. The Jengite movement began in the earliest centuries of history when Moses came down from Mount Sinai holding not two stone tablets but 54 stacked blocks containing the rules for living as an honest Jengite. 
    This theology was furthered by Jengus Christ on his Sermon on the Mount when he out of a standard Jenga tower drew one block for each of the thousand followers who had come to hear him speak. At his birth the three Wise men gave him Jenga sets made of gold, frankincense and mahogany. Christ would go on to revolutionise the world with miracles such as by playing Jenga on water. In his later years his teachings of pacifism were exemplified when he happened upon a crowd throwing blocks at a sinner. He calmed the crowd by laying all the blocks that were thrown into a simple tower and then pulled all fifty four blocks and yet the tower did not fall. Then he went among the crowd and said “Let he who has never toppled a tower throw the first block” then he threw a rock at the man and he was stoned to death, holy-ily though. 
    There were other great philosophers throughout the ages, as Jengahammad was revered among many for his holiness. His connection to a great power in the universe was exmplified by his revered ability to pull a third block from a layer without toppling the tower. This led to the widespread belief of Jenghslam dominating much of the Middle East with the exception of Saudi Jengrabia. However by modern day a stern debate continues across the globe now a rising idea has established an undercurrent in world discussion, with some saying that the idea of subscribing to any particular theology is ludicrous in itself. “When we die, we topple like a tower and are never rebuilt” argues Richard Dawkins. Proponents of Blockhism rebut that we may topple in death but but then be rebuilt again as another tower, depending on how well we live our lives. For example a shitbox like Greg may get reborn again as an ugly slug with no friends if he keeps up with his crap. 
    Another important element in this menagerie of modern ideas is New Block Creationism, a fragment of those who follow Jengus Christ, who insist that the world was created 33 years ago with the introduction of Jenga in the 1983 London Toy Fair, and all other evidence of life before that event was placed by the First Block to trick and deceive those without faith. They preach that the world is flat, with a prominent reverend going on the record “That if the Earth were round then how could we ever lay flat blocks upon it” which has picked up traction on the local media circuit.
    Alas this universe is as contentious, opinionated and divided as the one we today live in, however unlike our dull reality, this universe is completely and utterly dominated by the ubiquity of Jenga(R) the original wooden block stacking game. Their architecture is constructed of wooden blocks, their french fries are stacked neatly waiting to be eaten and the word Jenga is forced into all of their puns with all the quiet subtlety of a chainsaw chewing through a tree (in order to construct the great wooden blocks that are the staple of the Jengian economy)! 
On that note ladies and gentlemen , I, Sam Codrington, am so incredibly proud to present the Inaugural Issue of Jenga Words, read on!    

 

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