School of Computing ‘Accidentally’ Sets Porn-Watching Record

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It’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of a pixelated nipple in any 8:30am CompSci lecture, as groggy students open their laptops for the first time that day, but it’s not every day that you happen upon a lecture where every laptop is simultaneously opened to pornographic material.

That’s exactly what happened in the Monday 8:30am lecture of Discrete Mathematics for Computing II, as the Queen’s School of Computing broke the Guinness World Record for the largest number of people watching porn in a university lecture hall, with a total of 289 people ‘participating’ in the lecture.

Yes, there is a record for that, and it’s one Guinness takes very seriously.

“Guinness has very, very strict conditions to monitor it, scrutinize it, witness it, verify it – the whole works – so you can’t just fake this,” said Alice Cameron, the Guinness World Records adjudicator that witnessed the record-breaking event. “To break the record, every laptop must be opened within a 14 second window, with one or more browser windows open and featuring a hardcore picture, GIF, video or even erotic literature.” The record to beat – 263 people watching porn in a lecture at once – was set by a group from the University of Waterloo in 2016.

Cameron was reportedly on campus to look into a potential record regarding ‘longest drawn-out celebration of a Nobel Prize in Physics’, when she passed by the now acclaimed lecture that was starting up in Walter Light room 205. The record-breaking lecture was not planned or organized in any way, according to 2nd year Computer Science student, Stefan Beckmann. “I was terrified when I heard the beginning of a distressed moan come out of my laptop as I opened it at 8:29. I felt a wave of relief roll over me as row of students in front of me all slammed their laptops shut practically in unison.” Cameron knew she had stumbled upon something big when she saw the PornHub logo flash before her eyes on 7 separate computers, and at least 3 videos titled “Stepmom teaches daugher and GF a lesson”.

In order to verify the event, hard evidence of the students’ browsing activity was needed, so Cameron took at trip to Queen’s Information Technology Services (ITS), in Mackintosh-Corry Hall. ITS confirmed that 289 students had queried servers belonging to pornographic streaming services, but refused to provide exact URLs or titles of videos and pictures. “All they would tell me is that one student actually had 14 tabs of smut from the 80’s open concurrently. Later that day, ITS reported an uptick in page visits for their Antivirus FAQs.

 

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