Ask any marketing student and they’ll tell you. In fact, ask any human being and they will tell you that sex sells. Who doesn’t want to see half naked (possibly half plastic) mothers in active wear selling the latest Ajax© (stronger than grease!)? Or thin, elegant women in revealing dresses selling cat food? It just works. Think of the most mundane, regular life item and I can guarantee sex has sold it in one way or another. Don’t worry, men aren’t immune either, they get sexualised too. Calvin Klein’s, Italian dressing, jeans. Hunkvertising is well and truly alive and kicking.
Here’s the catch: the only thing that appears off-limits is mattresses. Ironically, if you were going to use sex to sell anything, mattresses would probably be the most applicable. Instead, mattress companies use posturepedic and memory foam to try to sell their product. The models they use are dressed from head to toe in pajamas your grandma would wear. Don’t get me wrong, a good night’s sleep is very important and Golden Words encourages everyone to get 8-10 hours a night. But Sealy and Simmons are missing the boat here. It’s a stalemate, where no company is willing to make the plunge and go for marketing gold.
All it would take is one company to realise a highly provocative advertisement could boost their sales by at least 300%. Middle-aged parents would rush out and buy a top of the line model, in the hope that it would fix their ailing sex life. Seeing a sexualised mattress commercial would probably remind them that banging in bed is actually a totally acceptable thing to do. Why stop at sexualised commercials? An upgrade to soft porn would probably even motivate hoards of university students to splurge for an upgrade to their overused, mouldy single in the hopes that Netflix and Chill would happen nearly as often as they say it does.
Maybe one day we will see companies explore what mattresses are really used for in their advertisements. Or maybe they know something we don’t and there is a reason why sex doesn’t sell mattresses. Until then, we will just have to watch it sell everything else. Brace yourself, you’ll be seeing half naked people holding biro pens any time now.
As I’m going now to patent the idea of a sexy matress ad, any advertising executive looking to reinvent the game of getting people to buy poofy squares to sleep on can contact me at my work email: firstname.lastname@example.org.