Sexual Tension: The Unit in Physics 111 YOur Prof Left Out (It’s Like Khan Academy)

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Set the scene: Its your physics class, I roll in on heelies, I’m looking good, I whisper in your ear “What’s up you dusty ass nerd hoes, I am the substitute teacher for the today and the lesson is on tension between to moving bodies. Sexual Tension. LOL.“ It’s going to be like a ted-talk but worse. Although you may not be able to tell, all of you are currently suspended in this room connected by an invisible force-tension. As you can see in Figure 1, there are two principle forces in sexual tension.
 The first principal for is (Fe) the force of emotional attraction, which would be induced by something like one of the two bodies thinking “hey this person has an incredibly huge set of succulent personality traits, I’d intellectually converse them so hard.” And the second principle force is (FTN) the force of The Nasty, which is induced by one of the moving bodies wanting to do The Nasty with the other. The formulas for each of these forces are as follows: 
Fe=((Ne+g)*y)÷(P)
Let: N=Number of times you finish each other’s sandwiches LOL Frozen was mediocre sentences. 
e=the amount of indie bands you both knew before the other person. 
g=the aligning political views you really feel strongly about but have a matching patchy knowledge of (for example you both know Bush was bad but neither of you know Bush did 9/11). 
y=you laugh at the same dick jokes. 
P=the different things you get weirdly pissed about when you’re drunk
FTN=(X/Z)  
Let: X=How much you want to touch their bottom lumps and or torso lumps. 
Z=How much their objective hotness diverges from the Hemmingsworth brothers 
To see the full derivation of these formulas see Appendix 7 pages 504-612. The formulas however interact, and we must cover a few laws: If for both moving bodies Fe= FTN sum of forces equals 0, and tension is strong but stable, no movement. If for both moving bodies Fe>1 FTN >1 the distance=d converges for the moving bodies. Typically any values below these examples will result in one or more of the moving bodies being thrust into the outer valence orbit, also referred to as the friendzone. Here is another real life example:

 

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