Shocking! Man Uses Nipples As Fashion Accessory

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The male nipple has long been the source of wonder and confusion on the world wide internet. A few of the time old questions have been answered, such as “What are they Made Of?” (man flesh) and “Do They Get Hard?” (maybe if you’re lucky), but the most puzzling question of them all has remained unanswered- until today.

WHAT ARE MALE NIPPLES FOR? ***~**~*~fashion~*~**~***~****~*****

Toby, local fashionista and King of the Memes™, was spotted at Ale this Saturday in a super hot, incredibly flattering mesh shirt. “I like the mesh ‘cause it lets the bod breath, yennow?” Toby said while running his hands through his medium-almost long-but short on the sides length hair. “Good aeration is really key to great chest pores. And also never having any body hair.” Toby dared to bare it all on Saturday, but the biggest surprise wasn’t that Ale Bouncer Chris T. rated him a 8/10 on the fashion scale (boo Chris T.) but perhaps that Toby had a little more bling than we bargained for.

“After Thursday Stage Rage, a bunch of the guys went back to mine and we were like having a nightcap and watching Grease, which is the best show ever right after the Shrek movies, and we got to the scene where the Pink Ladies pierce Sandy’s ears and we were all ‘wOahhhhh that’s a fantastic idea!!’ but I already have my lobes and tragus and helix pierced so Mitch got his stick and poke set out, and Jeff and Kombucha pinned me down and we were all ‘1 2 3!’ and then Mitch pierced my nipple. It was Lit.”

When Toby went out on Saturday, his shiny, steely, sexy nipple piercing was peeping out of the wild mesh holes on his shirt. When asked if his new accessory allowed him to wheel more women, Toby said “Nah man, it’s about aesthetic. It’s about staying ON BRAND. I don’t care about all that and women and status and money. I gotta rep to maintain. Plus, I think Mitch’s stick and poke set wasn’t very clean cause my nipple kept bleeding on all the hot chicks, and not in an angsty cool way either.

Everything’s cool when it’s for ***~**~*~fashion~*~**~***~****~*****

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