Hey oh! What’s good, my homies from The Dot? Or, as Drake is calling it now, The 6. If you like Drake, this is such a dope name! Glad someone’s finally reppin Toronto on the world stage. If you don’t like Drake, then who does this Forest Hill-raised motherfucker think he is?
Now that the Big Smoke is finally getting some global recognition, it’s time to start hyping ourselves up with insane list-based articles. Relax, I know what you’re thinking. But c’mon, New Yorkers have been doing this for generations and BC people won’t shut the fuck up about how great their rainy, mountainous turd is. And plus, the rest of Canada already thinks we’re self-centred assholes, so we might as well start acting like it. Here’s some signs you’re a true 416er:
- You always rep the Jays, Leafs and Raptors but actually don’t give two shits about the team. You just really wanna wear that “I Love BJs” shirt around and put on a Leafs jersey just to piss off Montrealers. You don’t even know what a Kessel is.
- You’re for some reason actually proud of the fact that everyone religiously avoids eye-contact and pleasantries on the street.
- You’re from downtown and generalize that everyone in Toronto thinks like you do.
- You’re from North York/Etobicoke/Scarlem and think that everyone else thinks like you do.
- You’ve been stabbed at least 5 times.
- You’ve either sold drugs to or bought drugs from the Ford family.
- No weather that’s not summer is good enough for you, your royal highness.
- Whatever new trend you’re following, it’s outdated.
- You laugh at outsiders who think that they can actually get anywhere on the TTC. If you’ve never been on the TTC, see point #5.
- You just laugh at outsiders in general, and wonder why the rest of the country loathes us.
- Though it’s one of the most multicultural cities in the world, somehow all of your friends are white.
- You actually believe stupid lists about your city.