So There’s a Bar in Brooklyn called ‘The Kingston’


I recently went to Brooklyn. Not Manhattan, Brooklyn. I wanted to avoid all the mainstream tourist traps like Times Square, Broadway, and the 9/11 memorial site. Brooklyn seemed like a cool place ever since I had gone to the bar ‘Brooklyn’ in Kingston. To my surprise, there was an actual place called Brooklyn. They even have a shitty Basketball team. When I finally got to Brooklyn, I found a mecca of gentrification, manbuns, craft beers, and shitty indie bands that are shitty ‘ironically’. I was in heaven. I came equipped with a pack of smokes, organic apples for my health, fair trade coffee, and my 15” Macbook pro which is covered in stickers with the causes I support. I usually just go to the first meeting to get the free stickers and branded water bottle. While on a venture taking photos of old, historic doors for my old, historic door tumblr page I found a bar with a historic door that looked really neat. I realized that the bar was called ‘The Kingston’, which I thought was intriguing.

This bar had everything Kingston represented. The southern part of the bar had a lot of historic characteristics, very privileged university students who were obsessed with getting others to check their privilege. Drinks at the southern part of the bar started at $8, or $4 on Thursdays between 4 – 7. There was craft beer and Canada Goose jackets as far as the eye could see. Then there was the northern half. A lot of ex-convicts and suburban housewives in that half of the bar. I did my best to stay out of that half of the bar. I decided to talk to some of the bar patrons, to see what they thought about the real Kingston.

I said to one of the girls “Hey, I’m actually from Kingston, I go to Queen’s”. She replied “Like Queens? I have a sista from theya.”

“No” I said, “like in Kingston, Ontario. Queen’s university”. She replied, “Oh, I though Kingston was a town in Vah-ginia or somethin’. I never heard of Ontario, which state is that?”

“No! It’s in Canada! Not a state!”

“Canadia? Is that in Europe? I guess that explains yo’ weird accent.”

I was dumbfounded. No one had heard of Queen’s, Kingston or even Canada in this bar. These people suck, why did we name a bar after them in our city? They’re all so giddy that they live in New York City and think it’s the center of the world. I overheard someone say that ‘New York City is the only city’. How arrogant is that!? There’s clearly other cities. Sure, New York is a great city, but it’s not the only city. Fuck there’s been other cities before it, even though some New Yorkers seem to think it was the first city ever. I hate the arrogance of this place.

I couldn’t wait to go back to school in Kingston with other students who were attractive, fashionable, intelligent and future 1%ers. Fuck Brooklyn.