So You Want Me To Write About Race, Huh? Well Hell Fucking NAW I’m Gonna Talk About the Electoral College Instead

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I’ve gotten lots of comments from friends this past week. While usually people don’t really talk to me and sorta look away when I walk by, this week was different. On the way to class? Stopped. On the way into the bathroom stall? Stopped. Stopped at a red light? Stopped AND ironic. They always say to me the same thing: “Alex, have you seen what’s going on in Overheard and overall at Queen’s? You NEED to write about race this issue! It would be such a good idea!” If you aren’t sure what I’m talking about then you’re living under a rock. Actually, you’re the rock that the clueless person is living under. In any case, while most of these people don’t actually read Golden Words (since, ya know, they’re huge losers), I nonetheless felt as though I needed to respond to them. And here is my response:

HELL FUCKING NAW AM I TOUCHING THAT SHIT.

That’s right, you heard me. I’m not gonna touch any of that with a ten foot pole. Hell, gimme a 20 foot pole and I’ll pole vault in the opposite direction with impeccable form since that’s still too close. There is literally no universe I can conceive of that would not result in handling it properly. Instead I’m going to vault away and into the political structures of the United States – namely, the electoral college. Recently, in light of Donald Trump’s victory, people have been scrutinizing the electoral college. Why did Donald Trump win? Hillary Clinton currently has been tabulated to have over 2 million more votes than Trump. How is that fair?

Glad you ask, since this is something, unlike race, that I can write about without someone wanting to rip my head off and feast on my brain like in that one fever dream I had. Remember that dream? Do you remember it? DO YOU?

In any case, the electoral college was developed out of the Virginia Plan, which called for Congress to elect the president. As a result, a committee was developed and decided that the elections for the President would be decided by people allocated based on representatives per state. How neat is that! And guess what it gets neater! While all states disperse their electors on a winner-take-all basis (this part we know), Maine and Nebraska actually use proportional representation for their several electoral college votes. As a result, the electoral college seeks to value state opinions more than the overall vote. I know I know I know, you can’t believe it, but it’s true! Don’t worry, the fever dream ended long ago. This is for real.

Wait, what’s that over there? Holy fuck is that a clown on a unicycle?! I’m scared of unicycles! I mean how do they stay up? The fever dream didn’t actually end!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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