Sociology News: Study of Tear Production in Students


In a recent study by the Sociology Department, it has been discovered that the time period of overlap of midterms and final papers is the time of greatest stress for students as measured by the total volume of tears. 
“We suspect it’s a combination of many factors: the back end of Turkey Dumps; the brutal realization that graduation is coming for some; others are getting back their midterm marks and wondering whether to call their parents or just walk into Lake Ontario to die,” says Dr. Candace Mulkin, “It’s business as usual, really.”
The difficulty of measuring stress levels which vary by person is that you have to settle on something objective at some point. Study participants were asked to, when crying, to cry into bottles they had been given, and to return them weekly. 
“The real concern here is for the students. They get quite dehydrated on a regular cycle of caffeine (a known diuretic), alcohol (also dehydrating) and weeping softly (or sometimes aggressively sobbing) into their teddies and blankets. One of the issues with the reliability of the study, is the question of how hydration affects the quantity of tears produced, and whether an awareness of the objective intensity and duration of crying episodes affects tears produced in subsequent episodes.” 
More surprising than any of this is that Sociology actually did a study.