Stats Show Bottle Flipping And Rapping Hot Bars Makes People Think Your D is Bigger

0
15

We here at Golden Words are really into bottle flipping. Obviously, we are all secretly incredibly well-endowed. So science shows a correlation between obsessive bottle flipping and public perception of penile girth and length. All evidence points to how this is a straight fact of nature, as indisputable as Newton’s laws of motion or the fact that when you make milkshakes, boys WILL come to your yard. In a survey conducted across campus, around 80% of people said bottle flipping actually makes your d smaller, another 15% said “Who the ef are you, what is Golden Words, and stop asking to see my d.” BUT the last 5% said this is definitely true. Now when you hear the results of this survey you might say, “But TooMuchDog, you might say, these facts OBVIOUSLY point to the fact that bottle flipping makes your d smaller. Au contraire mes petits croissants. The 95% that didn’t agree with us were obviously commies and tried to mess up our perfect results. On a year-long research project, it was proved that per each bottle successfully flipped, the average d grows around 5mm but for each 5 consecutively missed, the phallus will shrink 10mm. No one said this game was without consequence: if you play the game of bones, either you win or you try to convince everyone that’s it’s cold out. The study was expanded over other inputs as well. The results showed that being able to rap all of Rap God by Eminem without flaw WILL rip your pants off if you are wearing any while that is going on. However, this is a feat not easily accomplished. Many have tried and failed to rap Rap God and end up with their tongues tied in KGH destined to never talk again. Those who actually tried to master the craft (and therefore have HUGH MUNGUS penises (or penii?) (That was just a bracket within a bracket that was meta AF.)) have gone to Tibet in an attempt to learn from the monks who spend all day smoking a lot of pot and mastering all rap songs. Recently, they have been working on mastering all of Good Kid, MAAD city.

So in order to master the craft and just get a massive d, I booked an economy class ticket to Tibet and went to the Hu Dong Monastery myself to learn the tricks of the trade.

Upon cumming to the monastery (don’t judge that bad pun I’m tired.) I met the monks and proceeded to enter a vigorous training schedule to strengthen my lips, tongue and general mouth area to increase my ability to spit the hottest of bars. I practised by doing tongue pushups, and other general mouth exercises. (This is meant to be entirely innocent if you took this in a dirty way for shame…:( ) After a few months of training and warming with various songs such as Bound 2, Pony, Jump Around, I worked up to the bigger songs like Ultimate and Look At Me Now. Eventually once I was ready I sat at the top of the mountain with the wind swirling around me. I pulled out my phone and began the intro. The music picked up and I started to sing as the sun came up. As the lyrics picked up, I was hitting every syllable and my lips began to catch fire as the actual Rap Gods looked down with favour. I saw their diamond encrusted watches and solid gold chains peering eagerly. Fire began swirling in a tornado around me as my clothes were burned off Daenerys Targaryen style. After hitting the last bar with the laws of nature and physics being bent around me as I floated above the mountain, the prophecy of d growth was fulfilled. I won’t even talk about the details but let’s just say it was really cool. I now had more mastery of my own dick than white people have over ranch sauce. I now had control everything, no more random boners in exams, at church or family dinners. I had transcended the position of mere mortal. I was an actual Rap God. I had ascended to the heavens and can now gang out with 2Pac, Biggie, and my boys Jesus and God. They’re all really cool people and are all rap gods so we have mastery of dongs and bongs. We just hang out rapping and ripping. Highly recommend, 10/10.

Comments