As the final season is fast approaching, Golden Words thought it would be wise to provide a guide to help distinguish the varying types of students you may (or may not) encounter. It is important to note that some students should be approached with particular care, and in some rare cases communication should only be done via poking with a stick.
The “IDGAF but I know I should” Student -You will see these students trying their hardest to focus long enough to read a page of their textbooks, but most of the time you will see them staring longingly out the window. They know that they should be studying, but in the back of their minds also know that their big break into rap music scene is just around the corner.
The “I’m so organised final season doesn’t affect me” Student- This is an exceptionally small proportion of students, but they by far cause the most amount of frustration and tension amongst the rest of the student body. Not only do they know their shit, they already have a meticulous calendar (probably colour coordinated) so they know precisely when and what they are reviewing (if you’re like me you probably shocked that people can review without teaching themselves the entirety of the course).
The “I’m camping in Stauffer and never leaving” Student- These students think that time spent in the library equates to amount of knowledge they possess. They’ve probably packed 2 weeks worth of food, a survivor kit and at least 3 pairs of spare underwear. Gold help you if you’re within a 75 metre radius of their desk and proceed to eat your packet of chips too loudly. I’m saying a prayer for your soul if you’re obnoxiously eating something as you read this.
The “I’m going to carry on partying like nothing is wrong” Student- Denial. It’s a beautiful thing. These students just pretend it’s still September and I don’t blame them. If they aren’t pretending, its entirely possible that they have damaged their body with so much alcohol that they honestly believe they’ll survive unscathed. They may also remind you several times that life is all about having fun and that its important to take a break. Join them if you dare, but trust me… It’s a slippery slope and you may very well need a sickening amount of alcohol come results day
The “Now is a perfect time to start a new television series” Student- For some reason these students leave it until the eleventh hour to get hooked on to shows such as Orange is the New Black. These students tend to have a degree of calm and an aura of confidence. It’s quite possible they are highly intelligent and know they scrape by with minimum effort, or they’re so stoned that they’re unaware of their impending doom.
The “I’m going to lock myself in my room” Student- What do they really do in there? No-one knows and no-one ever will. Maybe your housemate was a socialite through the semester, but if they’re a room locker its possible the only communication you’ll hear from them is a grunt as they make an obscene amount of KD before banishing themselves yet again to a 12 hour stint of self inflicted lockdown.
The “Holy fuck I should have started this weeks ago” Student- Ahh. The beauty of hindsight. It’s true, you should of started this weeks ago. 11.5 weeks ago to be precise. If you see students putting hands to head, throwing pens, slamming books shut, pacing, muttering or just staring blankly at their book, you know what realisation has set in. Some will pull themselves out and cram like they never crammed before (except for every other semester that preceding this one), and others will be laid to waste and ruin.
No matter what you’re student type or study style, Golden Words wishes you the best of luck and would also like to remind you that if worse comes to worse, McDonald’s is currently hiring.