Student Thinks JDUC Tim Hortons Line Might Be Shorter, It’s Not


(An image of a long Tims line. Fuck.)

In a rocking revelation, Sarah Rutherford, a second year economics major, realized that the JDUC Tim Hortons line could possibly be a whole lot faster than the ARC line. This conclusion resulted in increased stress and anticipation for Rutherford, even though the line actually wasn’t shorter at all. This idea came to her suddenly when she was about to pass the Pizza Pizza in line.

“Usually I go in the express drink line, but I really wanted a breakfast sandwich this morning. All of a sudden I thought that maybe that one young guy was working in the JDUC so it would be faster. Jeez I don’t know it was so stressful why don’t they have more coffee around campus??” declared a clearly exasperated Rutherford. “These two guys in front of me were talking about how the line in the JDUC might be shorter and went to check and then never came back! I mean they could’ve given up and left, but what if they were still in line and got their food faster than me?”

Already late for her 8:30, Rutherford didn’t want to waste time and ultimately had to leave the line. Nonetheless, the traumatic experience left her shaken for the rest of the day until her mid-afternoon nap.

Students in general have been pushing for greater line-length equality on campus amongst coffee shops, and the university has listened. Earlier this week, Daniel Woolf issued a statement condemning the speed of both The Brew and the BioSci Tims, ensuring that measures will be taken. “Rest assured, we will be making sure that these particularly fast coffee lines are slowed down. No student wants to have to guess which line they should be in and then doubt their decision even though it’s right. Don’t worry, they’ll still all take forever though.”