Jared DePencier wasn’t expecting what would befall him that day. In fact, he wasn’t thinking about all that much other than the 1:30pm chem lab that he was running late for. Attendance marks were being taken and DePencier’s participation had been lacking up to that point.
On Monday, November 14th, while being distracted by a new Snapchat filter added that morning, DePencier was heading down Aberdeen Street when he noticed a small, chunky, orange-y patch on the sidewalk in front of him. After further analysis, he was unable to ascertain whether it was chili or a pile of yarf/spew. “I just don’t get it”, said DePencier. “Either someone’s vomit looks exactly like chilli or their chilli looks like vomit – I don’t know which is worse!” He then continued to question how someone would be spilling chilli on a sidewalk.
While DePencier has remained transfixed at Schrodinger’s Gross Pile on Aberdeen, many of his friends have exclaimed concern over the way in which his engrossment with the gross has resulted in his missing all of his classes since Monday. Currently still staring at it, friends and family have sought to pull him from is position. “We just want our son back, is that too much to ask for?”, his mother reportedly pleaded.
DePencier’s experience marks a rising trend in soup-like substances being spilled on Aberdeen Street. Recent Kingston officials have raised concern about the increase in lobster bisque, risottos, and ragouts, and more. So too have the number of vomits increased in recent weeks, after a sharp decline after Homecoming.