The Engineering Society services have always been an extremely dysfunctional family. All six of us have very different mandates and measures of success. Engineers on the outside for the most part usually don’t understand the power struggle we at Golden Words have to deal with on a daily basis. So we thought we’d give you some insight into what our Sunday evening family dinners are usually like.
Science Quest: This week was truly incredible, I built 3 fully functioning Mars rovers, one salt water desalination apparatus and 2 coffee makers all out of nothing but cardboard, duct tape and positive energy!
Tea Room: I hope you disassembled all of those things and made sure to remove the tape before recycling, did you know recycling cardboard takes 24% less energy and produces 50% less sulfur dioxide than making cardboard from raw materials.
Golden Words: Dinner is served, we have pizza and some wraps from Ali-Baba’s.
CEO: Come on Golden Words, I bought Lobster and Noka vintage chocolates last week.
Golden Words: Sorry I don’t make 80% of my yearly profit in one day selling mustard coloured cow skin to naïve first years. Maybe if people voted yes to our fee increase-
ICon: are you still-
Golden Words: Yes I’m still bitter about that.
*Clark walks in the door*
Clark: Sorry I’m late bro’s, Pal Man and the Dude Friends just shredded a sick set.
Tea Room: Clark is that a plastic grocery bag? Haven’t I told you enough times? Last year alone 326 Sea Turtles died from plastic bags getting stuck in their digestive track. That’s why I made you he 100% recycled hemp and goat excrement extract bags to use.
ICon: Yo chill, no need to use so much energy.
Clark: Sorry that rest of us actually have to stand up and move around to do our Jobs. Why is that stupid counter out again ICon?
ICon: I had to make sure we had enough slices for everyone!
Clark: and you couldn’t count to six by yourself?
ICon: Accurately recording statistics is of vital importance.
Science Quest: Today I saw a 3rd grader tie a double knot in their shoe and couldn’t help but just think, today they’re securing their shoe, tomorrow they’ll be securing a trade deal to end world hunger, youth truly have so much potential!
ICon: That reminds me of this movie I watched, have you guys seen-
CEO: No we haven’t, we aren’t allowed to watch movies for hours on end, what are all these cups in the middle of the table?
Tea Room: Today we have a number of our specialty tea flavours, their all just so fantastic, we have-
*Clark throws a coaster at tea cups*
Clark: Yeah! Tequilla!
Golden Words: I’m pretty sure that one’s essence of moose zygote
Tea Room: I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU CONSTANTLY MAKING FUN OF EVERYONE ELSE GOLDEN WORDS!
Golden Words: I’m just reporting it as it is as Queen’s universities number one news source.
Clark: Does Golden words even own a Swiffer? Your Chirps are getting pretty dusty baud.
ICon: At least they admit their stories aren’t true, unlike when you said you served food at 613, since when are potato chips food.
Clark: WANNA GO OUT FOR A RIP BAUD? OUR SANDWITCHES ARE DOPE!
Golden Words: I’M SO GODDAMN TIRED OF YOU SAYING THAT.
Clark: WE CAN’T HELP IT THAT OUR ADVERTISING IS PERVASIVE AND SUCCESSFUL. WE’RE ENTRENCHED IN THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF OUR PATRONS
CEO: Wait for it.
iCons: Can’t we all just calm down and relax and do our homework on the job?
Tea Room: Please everybody calm down, I propse that we stop fighting and start our meal with a prayer to whatever God keeps me so goddamn chipper every day.
CEO: Probably the same God that gave
Science Quest: Now now everyone, let’s all count to 10, I’ve already found 14 teachable moments that can come from this.