I am the boring editor. It is a confession I am loath to make, and yet it is the truth. I was not hired to be funny, I was hired to do all the work, or so it seems, as my ‘Co-Editor’ rarely seems to be anywhere near the paper, only to stumble in last minute, smelling suspiciously of dive bar and PBR, to create and add in his editorial. Sure, I mean, he is a fun guy, I guess. I just wish I could be the fun editor sometimes, for a change. But for now I am doomed to be the boring editor with boring articles. Alas.
I’m so boring I don’t even really know what to do with the rest of this article. I suppose if I swear enough and add some sex/dick jokes and someone is likely to laugh. And if all else fails, add in some shitty puns and finish of by saying I was drunk or this is all just some drug induced dream. I may be the boring editor, but I am by no means the most boring thing out there. Here is a list of all the things that I would considering as boring if not more boring than myself:
They seem like a good idea at first, but no one ever finishes lists. Unless it is one of the Top Ten Lists ever, it is probably a boring list. In fact, no one even knows what the top ten lists are, because the list of Top Ten Lists isn’t even on the list of Top Ten Lists.
Waiting in line
I would rather do any kind of waiting, other than waiting in line. Sure, waiting for pizza is a hell of it’s own kind, but the only thing worse than waiting for pizza while lying pajama clad on my couch, is waiting in line wearing real people clothes while standing. Waiting and standing both suck, and there is only so much you can do on your phone without wifi or data.
They aren’t quite rice, and are definitely NOT cake. They are a conundrum comprised entirely of crunchy air. I didn’t know something could only ever be stale. Unless you enjoy eating cardboard, rice cakes are a very dis-tasteful dish, ans because of that, they are boring as hell. Even the weird cheese flavourd ones. Just buy some cheetos, you dull little shit.
Sure sometimes it is fun to blast your favourite music and belt along while you scrub the dishes, but in the silence between songs, you begin to realize that no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, you are not doing something enjoyable. Even more so than the scrubby cleaning, is organizing. It is simply boring to try and figure out all the sock matches, or deciding where best to keep your pet rock collection.
Though I could go on for hours about all the things I find boring, and I’m sure you all would love it if I did, I must bring this scintillating list to an end. If you do not find these things boring, you may also be a boring person. But fear not, as of this realization of my crippling boringness, I’ve decided to create a Boring Anonymous (BA) group, for those of us who have an interest in becoming less boring. If all goes well, I will also be creating a Boring Anonymous Handbook (BAH) for those of you who want to delve deeper into our understanding of what is boring. I must now return to my cross-stitching and classical music, until next time.