Syd Editorial: Procrastinating


Procrastination is an art form mastered only by those who wish, subconsciously and paradoxically, to never master anything. At this point in life, I am strategically avoiding my tedious essay writing to instead write this editorial, which does not need to be finished for another week — as opposed to my paper, which is due in approximately 22 hours. 100 words down, only 1100 more to go, and that’s if I wish to pass with a mediocre grade. But let’s be honest, I’m in 4th year, at this point mediocrity is all I am aiming for. And so, as a testament to how done I am with school work, I have provided you with a selection of some of my top procrastination techniques. To procrastinate this hard is unwise, so use these methods wisely. Do not get too carried away, or do. Do whatever you want. I’m not your mother. 
Procrasticleaning – Just as it sounds, rather than doing that huge assignment now while you actually have time to do it instead of when you have five hours to complete three full days of work, clean something. My house is never cleaner than when I have something else I should be doing. It doesn’t have to be simple cleaning either. I mean, even if you’re not a slob like most of us, there is always something to clean. Have you ever tried cleaning the ceiling? No time like the present. And if you actually can’t find anything to clean, you can always organize. Can you alphabetize your spoon collection? I don’t know, try it. 
Procrastinapping – Sometimes you just convince yourself that the best kind thing for you to do right now is nap. I mean, it isn’t like you are really getting anything smart done right now anyways. A nap will do you good, rejuvenate your mind, or something like that. However, you need to convince yourself it isn’t really procrastinating, that it’ll help you finish your assignment in the long run. Whatever. But when you wake up at 4am, groggy as shit and not quite knowing where you are, you’ll regret that decision. 
Procrasterbating – I’ve done it, you’ve done it. I think it is safe to assume we have all done it. If I have to explain it, perhaps you should just go back to your homework. 
Procrastisurfing – Not, like, the ‘hang loose’ kind of surfing. I mean if you want to do that, be my guest, but that’s not what I’m talking about. This is probably the most widely used kind of procrastinating, everyone does i~~~~~
Sorry, where was I? My friend sent me this stupid thing which reminded me of this other thing and I just spent the last half hour watching Cat Fails. Shit happens. Oh yeah, procrastinating. It’s a thing a lot of us do ‘n’ stuff. Some examples include ~~~~~
Hey, did you see that video where the goat — nevermind, I’ll just go find it. 
[Editor’s Note: So yeah, I think we lost her to the internet. Once you get to the weird part of Youtube, it’s really hard to resurface.]