Syd Editorial: The Varied Uses of the Modern Dildo

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Many people are under the assumption that dildos are good for one thing, and one thing only, but that is simply not the case. While their main priority is to serve as a pleasurable aid, they can be used for a variety of things that many people fail to acknowledge. As an act of charity I have decided to divulge the ‘secret’ uses for dildos that could make many people’s lives just that much better. 
Let us all just take a moment to realize just how phallic sports equipment can be. I really don’t think it comes as a surprise to anyone that the various athletic sticks and rackets could double up easily as a dildo; so why couldn’t dildo’s double up as sports euipment? Just trying swapping your extra large dildo for a baseball bat – and maybe vice versa. It has been test proven by the Jay’s themselves that dildo’s make excellent bats for bunt play. 
Not only are dildos excellent substitutes for modern sports, but if you are feeling especially medieval, you can use them in all your knighthood fantasies. Double ended dildos, with their extra length, are especially good for jousting tournaments. Let’s be honest, in this day and age, dildo jousting is as close as you’ll get to being Heath Ledger in A Knight’s Tale. If getting slapped in the face with a rubbery penis isn’t quite your style, but you still want to play knight, you could always use them for swordfighting. Different lengths and girths can make for an interesting challenge. 
Dildos can also be brought into the classroom for various uses. Doing a presentation and need a pointer? Forgot your ruler? Need to get the profs attention at the back of a lecture hall? All these are perfectly viable uses for the classroom dildo. As a bonus you could do some minor surgery to your sex toy and transform it into a pen, as well. 
 A dildo can also be good in many different party settings. You can use it for: whacking a pinata open, pin the dildo on the donkey, and, if you so choose, an exciting end to pass the parcel. 
Even if you don’t feel like using your dildo for anything other than diddling your skittle you can always just carry it around as a means of scaring people away from you. It is the possibly one of the best defense mechanisms for antisocial people. And, as a bonus, if you always have it on you, you’ll never lose it or forget which one is yours. 

 

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