Talk so Dirty, It’s Clean


Girl I heard you got some dirty shit on your hand. Maybe you were walking the dog. You should’ve made sure there weren’t any holes in the bag. But all that aside. The point is you need a man there to get you so clean in the dirtiest possible way. 
Girl, when I get to you, I’m going to sanitise the shit out of that hand. First I’m going to light some candles then I’m gonna get your hand all naked, then I’m gonna rub some soap all over your fingers. Then your palm. Then just tease your wrist with some water and back to the palm. You’re going to be so wet you’re not going to be able to stand it. Then I’ll blow the candles out and we’ll really get down to business. I’m gonna scrub your hand so hard all over that countertop. We’ll go for hours, girl as I just keep on going. But it’ll still be comfortable. We’ll mix it up baby. We’ll be going from room to room, stopping to chat all slow and sexy, and then just as I begin to rub your skin raw we’ll take a nice bath, to get that full body exfoliation. By the end of it you’ll be crying out for me to keep going and you’ll be freaking out because your follicles are going to be just TINGLING. You’re gonna be so close to being clean. Then it’ll happen. You’ll be clean. Holy shit you’ll be clean. You’ll be calling my name. You’ll be like “Oh Two and a Half Black Men, I’m … CLEAN!” The next day, you’ll be telling your girls all about it. I might just make your goddamn week 
Then just when you think it can’t get any better that’s when we’ll bring in the lotion and start cleaning out the backside. The backside of your hand that is. We’ll lubricate that shit right up so you can get a good slide going as I rub moisturizing cream all over you. Girl, the back of your hand is gonna be straight up disgusting, it’s gonna be so clean. And then just as we’re exhausted and laying there we’ll top it all off with hand sanitiser, because that’s dermatologist recommended.
Hot Damn.