That House is Burning Because they Played my Mixtape, Not because I’m a Serial Arsonist


You know what they say – if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! Good thing that family heeded those words because, another twenty seconds and they would have been literal toast. But like the gross kind of toast that no one eats. It’s somehow burnt to a crisp and yet still able to absorb moisture, thus becoming soggy. Oh and also they’re burnt to a crisp. And dead. 
    But that’s what you get for playing the most fire of trax off my mixtape without taking the proper precautions, like checking your smoke alarm every six months, and locking your doors and windows so I can’t break in and set your house on fi… I mean, kindly give you a copy of DJ Gaza $trip’s “Drug$ R Kewl” for your listening pleasure. Because I’m not an arsonist. Ha. Ha ha ha.
    Look, I’m gonna level with you all here. Being an aspiring White rapper artist is hard, especially when your skills are less like Eminem in “8 Mile” and more like Papa Doc aka Clarence, but if he was White and far more awkward. FUCK FREE WORLD, THREE ONE THREE! Except I’m from the Six One Three, and there’s a big difference. Namely, there’s no underground rap battles for me to hash out my skills. Instead I gotta get it in anywhere I can: family barbeques, elementary school talent shows where THERE’S NOTHING IN THE RULES THAT SAYS A 22 YEAR OLD MAN CAN’T COMPETE, and Bar Mitzvahs – oh man, they love me at Bar Mitzvahs. They call me DJ Goy Wonder. And also DJ Gaza $trip. Boy, they get really defensive about that stuff.    
    So what I’m saying is that sometimes you have to make a few bucks on the side. Some people serve coffee at Starbucks. But that’s not really my speed. I prefer doing jobs for Big Tony. Who’s actually a medium-sized woman named Giselle. Because, that’s right, women can be mob bosses too you sexist fuck. But sometimes people don’t make their payments to Big Mama G, so you gotta turn up the heat a bit. Way, way up. 
    Anyway, just wanted to clear that all up. By the way, feel free to support ya boi and hit up my bandcamp to download all of these bangin tracks and get exclusive merch. 
– “Intro (No More Parties in YGK Because I Burned Them All Down)” (feat.  the Kingston Fire Dept. and that Vic Hall Asshole Who Pulled the Alarm)
– “ I Didn’t Start the Fire” (feat. Billy Joel, Billy Talent, Billy Joe Joe Armstrong, Billie Jean King)
– “$moke n’ Mirrorz” (Skit) (Feat. David Copperfield) 
– “Homeless” (feat. Soulja Boy Tell Em’)
– “What’s the Deal with U West Coast Thugs” (feat. Jerry Seinfeld)
– “2 State ILLusion” (feat. 2 Chainz, Bibi Netanyahu, the PLO Children’s Choir)
– “Crookz” (ft. MC Richard Nixon)
– “Bach 2 Bach” (feat. Michelle Bachman and J. S. Bach)
– “Quit Playin’ Games (With My Ass)” (Feat. the Backdoor Boys)
– “Intergalactic Love” (feat. Neil DeGrasse Tyson)
– “Bear Attack Scene” (Skit) (audio clip from the Revenant feat. DJ Alejandro G. Inarritu)
– “Liner Notes” (ASMR)