In winter of my first year in typical frosh experimental style I bought pot brownies with my friends. Thinking I was a big shot, my body weight to pot brownie intake was extremely high. Immediately I felt the urge to consume everything in sight. I ate: three pieces of Hawaiian pizza and a lava cake from Domino’s, a bag of Miss Vickie’s salt and vinegar chips, two gingerales, an entire bag of extra buttery popcorn, a popsicle, half a carton of grapes, and a Mars bar. For my size and the amount I usually can eat, this was quite shocking.
Surprisingly, I went to bed and woke up feeling pretty good. It wasn’t until halfway through my super intense, super fun, super educational Genders 120 debate that I started feeling sick. Not wanting to interrupt I sat in the back as my stomach started to get revenge for last nights feast. However, the blue-haired girl covered in piercings was super passionate about her topic and deemed it necessary to take up all of class time. Over being polite, I got up and started half speed walking, half sprinting to the bathroom but slow f**king walkers blocked my way. It became clear I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom so I threw up in a recycling bin in the hallway in front of students, as well as multiple professors.
Unsure if I had the flu or morning sickness, people around me became extremely concerned, unaware that I had actually just eaten 4,000 calories the night before (so I totally did not deserve their sympathy). In the end, I think I learned a valuable lesson from the experience, and that is, if you’re going to eat more than you weigh in one sitting probably just go to bed.