The Best Way To Meet People


In this day and age of Internet porn and Pinterest (my two most visited sites) it’s hard to physically meet anyone. I mean why would I want to leave my house when I can look at sick pics of red velvet cupcakes and watch a video of an age ambiguous anime girl get railed by a squid? (Also in my most visited site). It’s a hard sell, especially with this current Queens crowd. But I have recently come across a new form of socializing that not only is enjoyable, but also provides the physical interactions that humans have come to know and love over the past ten, twenty hundred years or so. It’s called voyeurism and I believe it will be the next big thing, the next ‘twitter’, the next  ‘facebook’ and the next felony (that’s a little joke for all my fellow voyeurs ;)). The concept is simple, observe and report (not the Seth Rogaine movie). Find someone that tickles your metaphorical fancy and just kinda watch him or her. Voyeurism is progressive so gender really isn’t at play here. If this basic concept appeals to you, here are some easy steps to up your V-game (little word we use in the community).

1.     All about the long con:

Don’t expect to get immediate gratification day one; voyeurism is really all about the long-term plan. I’ve been in the V-game for about three years and honestly only about nine months in was when I really started reaping the benefits.

2.     Location, location, location!

In our community we call them ‘perches’ and they really are the most important commodities.  What do you want in a good perch? Great question!

  • It’s gotta be comfortable: after all you could be on a watch for hours on end.
  • Its gotta have a great view: what’s the point of going to see the new Avengers movie and sitting in the front row and not being able to watch people watch the movie!
  • It’s gotta be inconspicuous: people can’t know your watching/forming lifelong bonds with them, they need to be oblivious. Something that’s worked for me in the past is building a tree house next to a house that you know your ‘fancy-tickler’ will be living in within the next 4-8 months and making that your home base. I usually build anywhere from 5-10 per semester all around the ghetto just to cover my bases.

3.     O&R

Like I said earlier, observe and report! This could be an article all by itself, but really you should be keeping a journal handy and observe what your ‘fancy-tickler’ does and then report it in said journal. Here’s a quick examples from a recent watch I went on: “ENTRY #16384: Subject #216 tried on a new coat today, it looked good”. Detail is key in these entries because you want to be able to relive these amazing moments later on. Embellish every single fine point to paint a rich landscape that you can revisit.

4.     Reap the Benefits!

So you’ve made and extensively long plan, got an amazing perch, observed and reported so now what? Well its pretty obvious, you’ve now gotten to know these people so well you can regurgitate everything about them to a T. So now whenever you bump into these people ‘by accident’, you can impress them with your vast knowledge about their day-to-day activities, sleep schedule, favorite movies, eating habits, who all their friends are, how they study, the unique way that Brenda brushes her hair, how Tom doesn’t use any conditioner when he showers (I’m calling you out!) and really any other information kept in your journal. Granted, I’ve never actually gotten to this step before, but I know it just has to work. All the great voyeurs of yore have met up with their ‘fancy-ticklers’ for great results like Jeff, Dave, Theo, John, Charles, Barack and the list goes on.

I hope this has helped those of you struggling with meeting people in the real world, or those of you on the fence about becoming voyeurs. We have a very healthy community and I would love we would love if you would join me us.