The Differences Between Vegans and Engineers

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(Spoiler Alert: There Are None)

Bragging is an art. Since the beginning of time, mankind has been trying to strike a delicate balance between bragging just enough that everyone thinks (knows) you’re top shit, but not enough that people start muttering ‘cocky asshole’ under their breaths as they haul ass away from you. Just like a fine Limited Edition Justin Bieber Girlfriend perfume, the aura of cockiness surrounding you needs to be equal parts subtle and effective.

Even if you do not belong to one of the two most elitist groups on campus (vegans and engineers, duh), I feel as though everyone can identify with the need to over-share. For example, when you get home to not-Kingston for the summer you can’t help but dominate every conversation with fun narratives like “I GO TO QUEEN’S! APPLAUD ME! BE PROUD OF ME! I AM TOP SHIT!” because let’s face it, the fact that your profile picture has been you decked out in tricolour since hoco and that you never leave the house without your $70 Queen’s cardi, people still might not know. The hardest part of being a Queen’s student is that for eight months of the year there’s no one to tell you’re a Queen’s student. Such a struggle omg.

Engineers need everyone around them to know what faculty they’re in because it pretty much makes up 99% of their entire identity and personality [1]. Thank god Queen’s offers a wealth of fun identification methods for its esteemed engineers. There are the GPAs that reek of carcinogenic gentian, the awkward shaved heads that dominate campus after frosh week, and the MOTHERFUCKING IRON RINGS (tap, tap, tap, it’s your superiority knocking). Perhaps adding veganism to their repertoire would restore their life expectancy back to normal lengths after soaking themselves in poison multiple times.

Which brings me to my main point: vegans and engineers are pretty much the exact same breed of people. And to prove this, I present to you exhibit A, a mad lib: _________ need everyone to know they are _________ in order to further propagate their superiority complex. Now fill in both spaces with one word. Try vegans. Try engineers. Check mate. Mic drop. Bat flip.

Unfortunately, a lot of people will not become vegan unless all animals are suddenly incinerated and disappear from this earth and there are none left to eat. So even though most engineers are not vegans they can sympathize with the desire to tell literally everyone about their veganism. They are the pinnacle of health well-being and gosh darn it the people need to know! Fortunately, vegans also have ways of showing this without words, like through their eating and shopping habits or dressing up like a dead packaged animal on the sidewalk at Rib Fest. Both equally effective.

 

 

[1] Did you honestly expect a source who do you think I am a fucking arts student?

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