The Elephant in the Room


BRIAN and MARISSA are at a party, having a conversation. They are total strangers.
Brian: Pretty great party, isn’t it?
Marissa: Duh. I’m fucking here with you.
Brian: No you’re not.
Marissa: What? What do you mean, of course I’m here with you.
Brain: Yes, but you’re not FUCKING here with me. I think I would notice if you were doing that.
Marissa: You’re an asshole dude.
Brian: Whatever. At least your talking to me.
Marissa: You’re!
Brian: That’s what I said.
Marissa: No you said your.
Brian: Well this is supposed to be spoken, not written anyway.
Marissa: Ok man, I think it’s about time we addressed the elephant in the room.
Brian: Sigh, ok…How are you Mr. Elephant?
Elephant: Brrrrrooooogghhh!
Brian: See, I told you he doesn’t speak English.
Marissa: Frankly, I’d still rather talk to the elephant.
Brian: He has a name, goddammit! Its MR. Elephant, and me and him don’t need to deal with any more of your drama, Marissa. C’mon man, lets bounce and go to Fluid or something.
Suddenly, a group of IVORY POACHERS enter the room. Everyone freezes. BRIAN dives in front of Mr. Elephant to protect him.
Brian: Noooo! Don’t kill him, kill me instead! You don’t need his tusks, you can take my teeth! I brush like 5 times a week!
The IVORY POACHERS mull over their options, then nod.
Poacher: Ok, come with us.
Mr. Elephant: Brrrroooooggghhhh!
Brian: It’s ok, Mr. Elephant! I’ll be back soon!
Marissa: This is so fucking weird…
Brian: So, now that I sacrificed myself to save this elephant, will you sleep with me?
Marissa: No, I’m going home with the elephant.
Brian (as he’s being dragged out the door by the poachers): ELEPHAAAAANT!