The Food-Ocalypse


As most engineers do when they have an upcoming quiz, assignment or midterm, I find myself contemplating the truly important aspects of life. Most of the time these things are completely stupid, like how I’m going to find a career after school or if I truly need an education to release my mix tape. Like I said useless stuff, well maybe not the mixtape idea that shits fire. Anyway, occasionally I experience an epiphany that will completely revolutionize the world.

Imagine if overnight all the tastes on earth suddenly randomized, you wake up start making your morning cup of coffee only to horrifyingly discover your cup of joe actually tastes like G-Ma Joe’s sweaty bingo fingers. You immediately spit the vile concoction across the room but the damage has been done, after rinsing your mouth with soap that surprisingly tastes like reeses peanut-butter cups you’ve recuperated slightly, slightly…

You grab your phone and open up insta? Snapchat? Tinder?? I don’t know whatever you hip kids are using these days, yes I used “hip” in a sentence deal with it. Carrying on, once you’ve opened (Preferred shitposting app) you discover everyone else is posting the exact same thing.

Your first thought is, fuck I forgot to charge my phone last night, then your second thought is that something fishy is going on, or whatever fish tastes like now, maybe Strawberry’s? Something Strawberry is going on? That just sounds stupid.

After raiding the fridge and eating some fish you find out that its actually cinnamon so the correct saying is something cinnamon is going on, feeling relieved for solving the mystery you continue your search.

After months of undercover investigation, you finally manage to link everything together and determine who the bastard is who made kids hate the taste of cinnamon toast crunch. The criminal mastermind who caused you to stare at any object and contemplate sampling it in order to find out if its chocolate only to be proved horribly wrong. You find out that this maniacal genius is…

Completely irrelevant! You’ve still got work to do and you’ve spent the past hour debating whether milk should taste like orange juice or mint to produce the most dramatic effect on the audience. Now you’re an hour down and only have an award-winning idea to show for it.