The Great Stoner Exodus


    In 2014, mass emigration followed the announcement of Colorado Amendment 64, and Washington Initiative 502. In an unprecedented phenomenon,  thousands of stoners moved south of the border to gain the sticky icky freedom not found in Canada. Finally being able to enjoy the devil’s lettuce without worrying about the persecution of Johnny Law.

    Since it turns out that the US isn’t a slut that just lets everyone in like Canada, hundreds of Canadians are now trapped as illegal aliens – which are similar to actual aliens  The US naturalization process is 6 years in the best scenario, and that’s only if you’re loaded/famous/in a green card marriage. None of our subjects meet this description very well.

    The Canadian Election brought hope once again to our red eyed friends as walking Ken doll Justin Trudeau became the Supreme Leader of the country.  Bringing the promise of dank times, thousands of Canadians want back in.

    Here is a true account of one Canadian’s journey back to Canada.

    ‘’So us Canadians want to go back because they can smoke some cool stuff and they miss the cold, and Trudeau is pretty hot but Trump, Bernie and Hillary are only meh. So they start all walking to the border.

    But as they realize when walking up the the border there is a wall now. OMG what? Why a wall? idk , when Trump became president he built a wall all over USA even in the oceans and water and stuff. So now us ex-Canadians are stuck at this wall tryin’ to get back in so they find some really tall ladders to get up.

    But these guys are like really stoned so they fall off the ladders before they get to the top, and make a pile of bodies and stuff. But the millions of Canadians pile up and one gets to climb the corpses to get to the top and over the wall to Canada.

    But when they land they realize that they are in Mexico instead?? NVM these guys were just confused. So Canada now has a bunch of ex-Canadian lying around and we don’t really get why.

    But as they start sobering up they realize there’s no green stuff yet. It doesn’t happen instantly for some reason?? I thought Prime Ministers have ultimate power to change anything.

    Now I’m sobered up and I actually know my name and I don’t like it. I think it’s something really generic like John or Jane Smith. I’m so aware all the time. It is gross. 🙁 “


So there we have it. One Canadian’s trek back home.