The Journal Tried To Follow Me On Instagram – an Opinion Piece

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First and foremost, I should come out and say that I don’t even like my own Instagram. I can’t say that it follows any kind of aesthetic, or features anything remotely worth looking at. Since December of 2014, I’ve accumulated a total of ten photos, and one video. The video is ten seconds of me shakily filming a thunderstorm on my way to The Beer Store, with the caption ”Not a photo of a cat!!”. As you can probably piece together, the previous photo (insta #8) is a picture of a cat. A really shitty picture of a cat. Looking at this picture again, I honestly don’t know how I took such a blurry photograph. There is nothing in motion either; this cat is just sitting on the roof of a car. What does the Journal want with this photo? What does the Journal want with the two pictures of the small mint plant I had in my res room in first year? Maybe they are interested in my October 9th 2015 view from the front of a Megabus, captioned “Smells like pee”. The picture before that is literally a photo of a screenshot of part of the Google Maps info for a sushi restaurant in Toronto. This post was important to 2015 me, since I captioned it “Information #dope”, but in what way is it important to the Journal, in September of 2017? After seeing their request, the question of why consumed me. I decided to investigate, and here I will present my findings.

The Queen’s Journal Instagram had its inaugural post on August 9th, 2013, and as of Sunday September 10th at 3:12pm, they have 151 posts, 844 followers and following 313. They have the kind of ratio that would intimidate even my hot neighbours, yet they were hoping to follow me? Something has to be up. I’ve been combing through their 151 posts, and trying desperately to find an answer in the form of some hidden pattern or motif. Their first 21 posts were uploaded in the span of 2 days, and are just different angles of two stages from a music festival. The next 130 posts are just a combination of lifestyle posts, sports events and often-blurry food porn. Their Instagram feed held no apparent answers to my question. Confused and paranoid, I declined their request as a knee-jerk reaction. Today is D+9 with respect to the day of the decline, and I just want answers. I need answers. Why follow me? What did they want to do once they got access to my pictures? Who else have they been trying to follow? I’ve been losing my appetite lately. Who has access to their Instagram? Did they expect me to follow them back? Would they have tried to slide into my DMs next? I haven’t been sleeping the same. Would they have unfollowed me after devouring my content? Why did all of the lights in the Journal House flicker when I walked past two nights ago? I think someone was trailing me last night. Who has been delivering copies of the Journal to my mailbox all week? I just want to know why. Why did they try to follow me on Instagram? Why me? What is it about my Instagram? Who am I?

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