The Pube Stache is IN


Move over Man-Bun, there’s a new wispy hair contender in town. Need something that says hygiene isn’t your top priority? Something that says you watch narrated League of Legend videos on Youtube? Or that you’re harbouring some fierce sexual frustration? Look no further because we have the fashion statement just for you!
This year’s new hair trend is the Pinterest-inspired Pube Stache. The Pube Stache is characterized by light, fluffy, pubic style hair grown sparsely on the upper lip, creating a sensual, sophisticated look for its wearer. Once a niche look limited to adolescent boys and postmenopausal women, the Pube Stache is rising fast in popularity. Research shows that having the lip hair of an elderly Italian woman has just become the millennial generation’s pinnacle of masculinity.
For fashion fun, pair your freshly grown stache with some lightly stained assorted Fruit of Loom t-shirts to show that you don’t sweat the little things. Fun accessories to pair your pube stache with include, but are not limited to, ironic buttons, crumpled napkins sticking out your pockets and a douchey attitude. After you master the execution of the pube stache, you can work your way up to a pube chin-strap (DISCLAIMER: Only Level 7 Warlocks can attempt the Pube Chin-Strap). Celebrities like Justin Bieber and Salma Hayek are notorious for rocking their own Pube Staches.
If you won’t believe us, take it from Randy Lipnicki, proud 17-year-old Pube Stache donner. “Not counting my Bar Mitzvah, growing my Pube Stache has really made me the man I am today,” Lipnicki reveals, whilst stroking the light hairs above his lip. “As soon as I grew my Pube Stache, people started to look at me. In a positive light. Ok, not entirely sure what kind of light but they started to look at me. If Lindsay Lohan has taught us anything about anything, it’s that any publicity is good publicity. She also taught us that self-destructive behaviour get you a short-lived reality show produced by Oprah but that’s a whole other conversation”
Lipnicki insists he knows the Pube Stache is in due to his mother’s hankering for him to shave it off. “She’s just upset her little boy is a man now. She also thinks the Big Bang Theory is funny, so she obviously doesn’t know what’s cool. As far as I’m concerned, my pube stache shows people that I’m relevant and a good time.”
We could not contact any women who were willing to comment on the sex appeal of a  Pube Stache. We attribute their inability to comment to their probable intimidation of just how overwhelmingly, unbelievably sexy the Pube Stache is.
So you heard it, folks! Show that you’re sexy by having the hair of your sexual reproductive organs on your face. The Pube Stache will definitely not be a fashion statement you’ll look back at and regret.