Yes dear readers, we have finally responded to all your fervent requests to implement some extra analytical content to our paper. We reached out asking for topics and you all responded with a unified voice: tell us about blanket scarves and infinity scarves. With the changing season and the uncertainty of how warm people’s necks will be, nothing is more contemporary, I’ll be honest with you all though, I didn’t know the difference at first. It just seemed like girls were imitating that folk story of the girl whose neck needed to be attached by a scarf or some shit. For a good couple months I thought girls all had severed heads; needless to say it was terrifying. But nonetheless, I eventually found out the difference of these two scarves: while blanket scarves provided full-body coverage similar (but quite different from) to the snuggie, the infinity scarf represents the mobius strip-esque cosiness. Indeed, the infinity scarf itself aims to subvert notions of linear space in our dimensions. We at GW have since decided that it would be necessary to take a deep look at the pros and cons of each scarf, and you can view our dissection below:
PROS OF BLANKET SCARVES
– Blanket scarves keep the full body much warmer, making them great for homeless people. Plus they make great houses and/or tents!
– Blanket scarves are great at protecting your body from stains, and also doubles as a parka for the Maid of the Mist
CONS OF BLANKET SCARVES
– Can sometimes get overwhelmed and get lost in them
– When wanting to save a drowning child, the extra weight your scarf will pick up will prove too much, causing you both to drown on a cold and rainy Thursday afternoon
PROS OF INFINITY SCARVES
Great at using to strangle your enemies
Acts as a bib to scoop up lost food that you’re eating, as if a catching trough.
CONS OF INFINITY SCARVES
Great at being used by your enemies to strangle you
Infinity in itself is an intangible concept that we can’t understand and therefore we cannot make anything OUT OF IT YOU FUCKING DUMBSHITS