The Underground Mobbed


Tuesday night saw the underground shutdown due to “aggression in the line” after being open for only 15 minutes. The Taps staff and Stucons at the event were unprepared for the turnout for the Justin Bieber event which saw all of Queen’s campus descend upon the underground. The event is being described like a “university student’s first house party that got out of hand”. “I expected better” said some drunk student dutifuly waiting in line with a brick and a pitchfork. 
Those who did manage to make it into the underground were upset to find out that Justin Beiber was not actually at their event. The students had showed up to protest Justin Bieber being allowed on campus. The mob had planned to capture and kill Justin Bieber in the words of one preteen girl -with the distinct glint of murder in her pink mascaraed eyes- “because if I can’t have him, no one can!” 
Stucon confiscated large amounts of torches, bricks and petrol bombs from the mob as they tried to enter the Underground. “There was a clear increase in the number of items confiscated from students at this event” the Stucons said in an interview. “After the thirteenth prison shank was voluntarily disclosed to officials at the door, the decision was made to close the bar, because the rule with these sort of things is one seen, thirteen ready to stab Canadian Pop Stars”
Students are reminded that they are required to check all petrol bombs at the coat check and that rope is strictly prohibited in not fetish scenarios due to previous issues with “bitches being cray”.