As time goes on, your perspective on life will begin to change. You’ll begin to find that the simple joys of life are not as sweet as time goes on. Here are just a few things that get a little bit shittier in the long run:
School – When school starts, we’re all so eager and excited. The thought of finger-painting and napping with a whole new group of friends is amazing! Then we have to start to learning things like math and reading,I mean come on! It only gets harder as the grades go up, I mean what the fuck is calculus? It’s so much harder than addition! Then you get to university and the process takes a huge upswing. There’s essentially a week of partying and fireworks designed to put everyone in a superimposed state of overjoyed ecstasy. By the time 4th year rolls around, the shimmering coating has been removed to reveal a tarnished, yellow brick road to get our degrees. We must battle off flying monkey assignments and evil witch professors all so that we can move back home to live with our parents and later on, become the most overqualified Tim Hortons employees out there.
Winter – By the time fall comes to a close, our inner Canadian is starting to burst forth with excitement for winter activities. Everyone is beginning to enter the Christmas spirit and that means a desire for snow, but that all changes on January 2nd. The winter wonderland turns into a cold, dreary, grey wasteland coated in slush and sadness. Don’t worry though, Netflix and heated blankets will get you through to spring.
Sex – I know what you’re thinking, “How can sex not be awesome?!” Well let me educate your innocent young mind. You see, while sex is a magical time that starts out amazing, it eventually devolves into a tired, sweaty act full of chafed genitals and disappointed girlfriends. I mean, I don’t have that problem but… SHUT UP!
Scary Movies – It may seem like a good time to watch a scary movie right before bed, or maybe even on a date, but the fact of the matter is: THAT’S A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA. Sure, to start with you seem like a brave individual who fears nothing but as that movie goes on, your inner scared child is going to come out. Just try and look tough when you’re hiding underneath your blankets quivering and shaking. Your date may appreciate the under the cover vibrations but they definitely won’t appreciate you crying because you’re sure you heard a noise in the next room. “I’M TELLING YOU, I CLOSED MY BEDROOM DOOR ¾ OF THE WAY AND NOW IT’S ONLY ⅔ CLOSED!!” So sexy.
Going Out Drinking – It’s Friday night, or possibly Wednesday depending on how much of an alcoholic you are, and your friends want to go out drinking. This sounds awesome, doing the same thing you’ve done every Friday night for the last 3 months. When you begin your night, your wallet is full, your stomach is settled, and you haven’t said anything embarrassing… yet. But just you wait, within 3 hours you’ll be bankrupt, hunched over the railing in stages full of regret and $8 Jagerbombs. This whole situation just gets worse in the morning when you’re rife with dehydration and headaches. Godspeed.
Hot Tubbing – Okay hot tubs are actually fucking awesome and literally never get shittier.