Today marks the beginning of my last week of school… EVER! My last Sunday of Golden Words, my last Monday of hating my classes, my last Tuesday of hating my classes more (because we all know that Tuesdays are even worse than Mondays). While I am so happy to say goodbye to ALL the above things, I do want to take this opportunity to give my (possibly worthless) thoughts/advice a few things:
Who decided that Thursday was the best day of the week to reminisce on past experiences, accomplishments and instagram-worthy moments? Why limit Thursday to the only day when it’s acceptable to live in the past? If we restrict self-reflection to Thursday how can we expect personal growth? Throwback Thursday truly confines us as society but it may be worth it for a mediocre night at Undies where you drink a bottle and a half of crap wine and end up puking on your cab driver.
When some guys reach a certain age (20-22), they realize that they look young. Like really really young. They look 15 years old but they’re not and they have to do something about it. So they grow a beard. Sometimes this is a really glorious, beautiful, hunky beard: this is rare. Usually, they end up with a bristly, patchy, shit beard. I want all you youthful looking young men to know that you’re better off showing off your somewhat cute acne covered 15 year old face than that ugly squirrel.
Roll Up The Rim:
Are you ready to hear the truth? Well the Tim Horton’s cashiers/con artists pre-roll the rim. They take all the good winning cups for themselves and leave all the “Please play agains” for the ignorant consumer. Sure, you may win the occasional free coffee or donut but you have NO CHANCE of winning an actually good prize. Call me a bad Canadian but no thanks Tim’s, I’ll stick with Starbucks. Maybe the true bad Canadian is Tim Horton himself (RIP) – a liar, a cheater, a poor sport and an awful Canadian hockey icon. (Take that Tim, if you’re such a great defenceman go defend yourself! Oh, I forgot, you’re dead!)
Grocery Checkout Cashier:
We matched on Tinder. We talked irl. Clearly we are in love why haven’t you messaged me?????
I really don’t know why more Queen’s students aren’t on this posting missed connections, women/men seeking other women/men posts. This is really the original Tinder and is superior to Tinder in so many ways. Anyone can see anyone’s posts. There is no need to swipe through pictures and determine if you’re physically attracted to someone– you can read their heartfelt message posted for the world to see and determine if that person is worth your time. It’s really so much less shallow, less sketchy and more romantic and makes sure you get to know the real guy/gal you’re talking to. Definitely recommend if you’re seeking a mistress, friends with benefits, snuggle buddy, or life partner.