Top 10 Quick And Easy Ways To Piss Off Your Roommate


1) Never ever buy milk. Always drink your roommate’s.

  • Pros: FREE MILK!
  • Cons: None.

2) If you ever have to fart, do yourself a favour and do it in their pillow.

  • Pros: You don’t get fart everywhere but have it in one convenient location. Farts don’t spread, silly.
  • Cons: Very low possibility of them upping the ante by shitting your bed.

3) Have really loud sex in their bed, and don’t even try to hide it.

  • Pros: the thrill, cum on – you know both of you would be totally into it, and you could hold it over them forever.
  • Con: There is none. #winning #TigerBlood

4)Masturbate when you know they’re trying to sleep.

  • Pros: Hey, you have needs.
  • Cons: Virtually none.

5)Take 30min showers, the more hot water you use the better, in fact you don’t even have to be in the shower. just let that water run and have a nice steamy sauna, you have earned it.

  • Pros: saunas open the pores allowing you to clean out your skin leaving you feel totally refreshed.
  • Cons: You may get too relaxed.

6)If you live in Watts or Leggett, ensure that whenever your canmate is trying to relax and take a shower, drop a steaming deuce and neglect to turn the fan on

  • Pros: Extra points if you make awkward conversation in between poop noises. Also excreting is recommended by 9 of 10 doctors
  • Cons: I mean poops are kind of gross, if you really think about it

7) Blatantly cheat at any card games you play.

  • Pros: Easy, and relatively morally sound compared to everything else on this list.
  • Cons: You’d be the worst person ever.

8) If they ever piss you off just leave a kitchen knife on their pillow.

  • Pros: They will never fuck with you again. They think you’re completely unstable so next time you ask them to do something they will just do it.
  • Cons: You don’t not get to look like a bad ass.

9) Call the don on your roommate. Like all the time. Or if you’re not in rez, invite all the people they hate to the party.

  • Pros: Enemy of your enemy (which here means roommate) is your friend. Plus you get cozy with the Don.
  • Cons: You might party too hard.

10)  Always greet your roommate with a long and awkward hug, preferably more than thirty seconds.

  • Pros: Bonus points if you touch their butt.
  • Cons: You have to be near them. Gross.