Top 7 Ways to Get More Scratch


As it was just the season of giving, you should have a big pile of scratch from those family members. From someone who has mastered the art of scratch gathering (I got my rent for the month from these moves), here is a list of time proven tactics.

  1. Bat those eyelashes like you mean it. Tip: Practice in a mirror beforehand. The awkward bat only gets you laughter.
  2. Go on and on about how much textbooks cost and how you’re debating between a book or breakfast for the year.
  3. Tell them you love them or anything else sickly sweet (it may be cheesy, but it works).
  4. Talk about the cheap, shitty food you’ve been eating all year and make it sound non-optional.
  5. Send photos of the squalor that you live in (not so much the mess, but the shittiness of your house).
  6. Help your older family members with the internet and anything else vaguely technological.
  7. And when tact won’t cut it, simply ask for scratch. Note: best used in airports, bus stations, etc.

Now you’re ready to rake in that dough and make it rain, baby!