As of this week, Sci 15 has officially taken over Grant Hall for the construction of this year’s Science Formal. Depending on who you are, this takeover might have important implications for your life. If you are an Arts Student, your classes in Grant and Kingston Hall have been cancelled. They’ve probably been relocated to another building, but you might as well skip them anyways. I doubt the history of psycho-eco-socio-linguistics is important anyways. If you are an engineering student, always looking to be more efficient, you can now make use of those awkward ten minute breaks by doing some hours. Unfortunately, during hours you probably won’t be very efficient and will probably be wondering what to do with your time. Here are some of my top suggestions:
- Use the bathroom. Need to walk from Stirling to the ILC or vice versa? Why not take a pit stop in Grant Hall to use their paint-covered bathroom? Doing so will earn you approximately 5 minutes worth of Sci Formal Hours – or longer if there’s a line or you decide to masturbate. Please don’t masturbate in the Grant Hall bathroom. Paint is also not a good lube.
- Add extra, useless details to painting. Maybe add some windows onto a skyline. No one will really notice the difference, but now you can spend the next 10 hours painting more windows on more skylines so that they look consistent. Other suggestions: add cars to roads, add birds and clouds to the sky, add stars to the night sky ensuring their positions are cosmologically accurate.
- Make trees. I don’t know what the trees were like in the 1920’s, when the Great Gatsby is set, but those that are still around are probably really fucking huge. Here’s how you should make them. Grow a tree. Cut down said tree. Create lumber and newspaper from the tree. Nail the lumber into a shape that somewhat resembles a tree. Wrap chicken wire around the lumber tree-frame and stuff it with newspaper. Coat the chicken wire with more newspaper. You now have a tree. Why we had to make a new tree out of the former tree and couldn’t have just used the original tree, I’m not really sure. I guess it helps keep the newspaper industry alive.
- Put small transparent beads on a small transparent string. Drop the string because it’s too small, and proceed to pick up the beads. Put the small transparent beads back on the small transparent string. Drop the string again. Try again. Mentally compare your self worth with sweatshop workers from the country where the beads were made. After dropping all the beads onto the floor five or six times, give up. Go to Dollarama and buy a string of transparent beads for $1.25.
- Try to help the construction managers. Ask them what to do and watch while they try to explain by just doing all the work themselves and not letting people help. If you do happen to get a chance to help, make sure to use lots of screws so Sci 16 has a fun time taking the structure apart!
- Go to Timmies. I know the location of Sci Formal hours has changed, but there’s still a Timmies around the corner!
- Ponder the meaning of Sci Formal. Why do we have to work so many hours? Is the event really worth it? Realize you’re essentially getting paid $10 an hour for your work (or $15 now that it’s final week) and get depressed at how poorly you’re getting paid. Realize that Sci Formal is worth approximately (600 people) x (40 hours / person) x ($10 / hour) = $240 000. Realize that with $240 000 you could probably 3D print all of the Sci Formal decorations while still having enough money left over for an open bar at the event. Why aren’t we doing this?
- Bring your date and make out with them.