Jeremey Tiffins, grade 7 student, has had a very mixed night after he wound up in the student ghetto during Halloween last saturday. He originally planned out a map that would take him through the most houses with the greatest candy while avoiding Mrs. Crabapples house and the dried fruit she always gives out. Part way through the night a gust of wind blew it away and he ran off to go get it, getting lost from his group of friends.
After first arriving in the University District at 9 o’clock after filling his bag most of the way he went to go up to a student house on Albert Street and pressed the doorbell. A drunken student wearing a toga as Korean Jesus stumbled to the door looking down at the boy dressed up as Buzz Lightyear. Tiffins reportedly left with an eighth of a bottle of Jack and proceeded down the street.
Upon spotting a line of people outside a house with strobe lights flashing on the inside he determined it must be a haunted house. Heading towards the ‘monster house’ he made his way past into the building whilst scoffing at all the costumes worn by the adults. “She wasn’t even dressed as a real cat” Jeremy told us after, “All she had on was the ears – no way you’re winning the costume contest with that on!” He congratulated the realism in the decoration, commenting on how realistic the puke was, and how scary all of screams and moans coming from the upstairs bedroom seemed. When other party goers were asked how a minor could have been let into their party house residents claimed they thought he was a small dog with a cute costume on.
He eventually left and saw a group of other masked individuals, and figuring they were part of the costume parade, followed along behind them. After wandering around aimlessly for a while and overhearing them talk about how to get into Stages he got as far away as he could from what he came to realize were just confused fucking frosh.
Going along Aberdeen Tiffins popped in and out of the various parties in the hopes of unleashing his moves to the ‘Monster Mash’; a song that wasn’t played anywhere he visited. The boy’s candy-collecting efforts were also thwarted until he was finally got a bag of rock candy from a man on the corner of Division and Princess which Jeremy said was way better than those goddamned pixie sticks.