Troubling Report Finds Dads Now Ignore Their Kids using Tablet Rather than Newspaper

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    A new survey released by the Pew Research Center revealed that a staggering 70% of dads have switched to digital means to ignore their children with. When asked if they still read a daily print newspaper instead of spending quality time with their children, only 13% said yes, while tablets represent the overwhelmingly favourable choice. Factoring in all mobile devices, this number lept to 85%. 2% of respondents said that they did not ignore their children, but no one gives a shit about those goody-goody bastards anyway.
    When given a multiple choice questionnaire asking why they prefer to use a tablet or mobile device to more traditional media, the vote was fairly evenly split between 40% saying that it makes them look like a cool dad on the subway, playing Candy Crush and messaging their boss in Kimojis and just hoping their kids would just sit the fuck down; and 36% saying that the fact that they can plug in headphones and further block out the “little shit’s constant demands” was a big advantage. 
 

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