Uninspired Students Produce Mediocre Work For A Non-Profit They Joined Only To Put Volunteering On Their Resume


Ermin Jones is one of several students who are a part of QDASORS (Queens Does All Sorts Of Random Shit). He is the Information Co-ordinator, one of several positions with fancy titles and little to no responsibility. What does he do? “I ensure that companies who actually bother to do background checks on volunteer organizations we co-ordinate, make up, or affiliate with, are not exposed as total bullshit. These days it’s easier to just have a minimal commitment to some sort of social justice, and it sure as hell beats bitching on Tumblr. This way, we can have a great resume booster without really doing anything.”
    He goes on to call out a few of his coworkers. “Marty actually wants to make a website for QAFFS (Queen’s Advocates For Free Sexuality); what a fucking chump, he’s actually doing this to feel good about himself, not to put it on his resume. Does he even understand why we exist?” And the Vice-President of Financial Operations? “Connie’s job exists to circulate money without actually spending any of it. That way we can claim to have managed a reasonably large budget without actually having any money spent, in existence, or having any potentially damaging effects to our organizations.”
    He proudly describes the process of media selection and volunteering policies. “For the organization of published media (print-only, so as not to leave a digital paper trail) only the most mediocre, non-contentious, barely-advocating-anything media can be selected. For this reason, we are quite proud that most of our organizations have no effect whatsoever on the social scale, eliciting no rage, joy, or anything, really. Unfortunately, the downside is that it is tough to find good writing.”
      “We have a very high turnover. It’s great for our volunteers to be able to say that they had to apply for 3 month terms. That way, even our management positions — 1 year terms, if you can get them — become absolutely unable to comment on the performance of volunteers if ever asked. We’re essentially a permanently existing ghost organization. Did, say, Emma Rae ever manage a 3000 dollar conference on Social Acceptance? Probably not, but nobody here will ever receive a phone call and be forced to say that it probably didn’t happen. Nope, it’s Emma was only ever noted to be an exemplary volunteer, such that we allowed her a lot of independence after only two months, I didn’t work with her personally, but I’ve only heard great things about her. The system we’ve created here is foolproof.”
    QDASORS is accepting applications at all times and conducting interviews on a weekly basis.