United States to Change Anthem Lyrics in Light of Events of 2017


It was recently announced that after a lengthy period of soul searching and legal deliberation that the government of the United States of America will be changing the lyrics of its nation anthem The Star Spangled Banner by replacing the line “o’er the land of the free and the home of the brave” to “o’er the land of the fees and the home of the Braves”.

This change has come after a year of intense political instability in the US.  The recent election of Donald Trump has upset many Americans and brought many often ignored issues to the forefront of political discourse.  Factors of particular importance in the decision were the disproportionate rates of incarceration and police brutality against black Americans coupled with often transparently discriminatory voter laws, and the passing of legislation that is clearly not in the interests of the vast majority of American Citizens.  Golden Words reached out to an expert in American civil discourse, Jennifer Lee, who had this to say “I mean when your police can literally kill someone for no reason and get away with it, and when your populace seems on the whole completely ambivalent to a large scale degradation of democratic institutions you can’t exactly go around chatting shit about how your country is filled with free and brave people”.

When asked for comment House Speaker Paul Ryan told our reporters “Yeah, the main issue was that after the events of 2017 we discovered that calling the US the ‘land of the free and home of the brave’ actually legally counted as false advertising, so we had to find a workaround.  Land of the fees and home of the Braves works fine because it sounds the same.  It’s actually true too since increased deregulation means that companies can fuck Americans with exorbitant fees and America is technically the home of the Atlanta Braves, so we do really think we hit a home run on this one”.

An act of Congress will make the changes official effective January 1st 2018 provided the United States still has a functioning federal government.