Vote Seth Davis for Sci17 Year Prez


In 2008, Barack Obama became the first African American President of the United State, transforming the world of politics. I would like to do the same.
Hello Sci17, and may I say how handsome you all are. I’d like to introduce myself: my name is Seth Davis, I’m in first year engineering and I am nominating myself to be your year president.
Here’s a fun question: Is this your regular, gut busting Golden Words article, or am I for real? According to Evan Dressel, Vice President of Student Affairs, “Sure, why not. This is actually ok.” Whaaa?! Right?! I didn’t even know there was something wrong with Sci17’s president position (I don’t think Sci17 does either)! I still don’t even know why I’m allowed to do this, but here I am, campaigning, so somebody fucked up somewhere…
What are my qualification for this undertaking? Let’s dive in:
I can do 12 consecutive pushups, I watched Disney’s Recess as a child and I’ll laugh at your jokes to make you feel good. If that isn’t a triple threat, I don’t know what is.
Ooh, so now you’re interested? You want to see where I’m going with this? You’d like to know what I plan to do as Sci17 president? How about a suggestion box? That seems like a thing people who run for stuff promise a lot. What about a movie night? Ooh yeah, that sounds like some safe, organized fun right there. What about some more vague special programming? Mmm, yum…
Now you may be thinking, “Who does this frosh think he is? He can’t be Sci17 prez… cocky frosh.” To the haters out there that think just because I’m young and inexperienced and extremely lactose intolerant (cheesecake = 4×8 inch brick from hell) that I can’t become Sci17 president, I have something to say: just c’mon, please?! What do you want? A four piece? The fridge in my common room? How about a year president? 😉
Now that I’ve laid out who I am, I’d like to dedicate a small section of this piece to talk Grover Cleveland, two time president of the United States of America and my inspiration for running. His symbolic status for conservatism in the 1890’s, fiscal policy and good character are what kept America chugging along during the Panic of 1983. Grover Cleveland was not extraordinary in the slightest, possessing courage, honesty and common sense just like any other person, but wielded those traits with the grace of an eagle and the might of an elephant. Without support from the radicalist republican “Mugwumps”, there would have been no second term for my dear Grover Cleveland. Just like Grover needed the Mugwumps, I need you Sci17. Be my Mugwumps. Please, dear god, be my Mugwumps.
Alright, let’s get super cereal for a moment. This is history. This is your moment Sci17, your chance to make a mark and be that one year that did that thing. This is the type of shit you’ll tell your grandchildren about. This is the type of story they based movies like “The Blind Side” off of. This is the like a world where Harambe was just tranquilized.
I’m just one, small frosh, in this crazy, crazy world, trying to find my purpose in life. And when life gives you lemons, you just have to start squeezing the shit out of them and hope for the best.
I’m not going to pretend I know what third year is like. I’m not going to pretend I know how the Engineering Society works. I’m definitely not going to pretend I even know exactly what I’m running for. But if there is one thing I won’t pretend, it’s this:
I, Seth Davis, want to be your Sci17 president.
So when elections come around, or however this stuff works, vote Seth Davis for president.
C’mon, why not?