Oh, here I go, saving the day again. Let’s talk about a group that constantly gets undercut in society: white people. I know-I know- how often can we make fun of white people and how privileged they are??? What an easy joke to keep running-well you can shut the heck up, I’ve had a lot of people holding me down, I’ve faced a lot of Vine hate, and a lot of social disadvantages so let me have this.
These new future internet days, white people especially-but not exclusively- have been fighting battles that don’t affect them- and frankly that just isn’t fair to us anymore. Why can’t we have like 1 bit of injustice so we can share a Buzzfeed video and actually have something to say in the comment section? This problem has been going on for just too long, so I am here to provide you guys with some temporary fixes!
You may look white but, are you really? Finding out a little more about my background made me realize I am much more oppressed than I ever could have dreamed. After a quick genetic test my grandma found out an expansive history of our family, and it turns out somewhere along the line our family was Serbian. This was great news. Serbia not only has political and social turmoil that is talked about, the largest groups of ethnic minorities in the country are other white people. Serbians are, also on average, a little darker as far as European skin and hair goes, so with a little work you can even pull off being a minority here in Canada! Stand up my dudes, grab Ancestry.com by the tites, and milk the frick out of it. Also I actually texted my mom just now and we are Siberian not Serbian lmao! Well at least now we can confirm I am dyslexic, and ableism is an underrated “ism” that I bet will be hot on Facebook soon.
If this isn’t good for you, and your ancestry totally sucks way too much white pee-pee, try role play! These days you can freely explore your sexuality in anyway and we accept it. If you love that feeling you get when you work to right injustices that don’t affect you, think of how good it will feel to right injustices that actually affect you-probably feel like really good-I am talking freaky-deaky-pinky-peens good. Too nervous to role play blunt racism? Try role playing Zootopia. Not only is this a top notch crisp film, but it is just littered with sexual tension. Don’t even try to watch this movie with your parents in the same room, it gets nasty. Haven’t seen Zootopia? Try Shrek! Haven’t seen Shrek? Try Shrek 2! If you don’t see the underlying themes of injustice or at least the huge opportunity to sexualize Shrek then get out of my swamp ;).
Haha ok and here is one final technique for you guys: identify as a girl! If you already do, you shouldn’t even be reading this-it’s an engineering newspaper women have no place here haha just kidding I was saying that because we have sexism! We don’t need help complaining about injustice! As a women I have it so easy when it comes to online activism, and boy do we take this for granted. Do you know how hard it must be to not have stuff to complain about? What would your conversations even be about? What a dark ad horrible world that would be.
Anyways what this all comes down to is I would like a little more attention on social media. Sure I’ve mostly been talking about Facebook but in this crazy virtual world of 1s and 0s, what’s the difference between that and Vine? Vine is probably the greatest invention of our generation. Also I have this idea to make another Vine account where I would Vine complete movies at 6 second intervals, so you could watch entire movies on Vine. It would sweep the Netflix market easily and be really cool. Also sorry this one was so serious about humanity and stuff like I just have a sophisticated side so to lighten things up check out my Vine! Hahah I got you good there!