We Need To Talk About the Real Issues


Ladies and Gentlemen, it has really been a rough week. We had the debate to end all debates, as Trumpenstein and the Clintonmeister dueled for the fate of the planet as we all looked on in horror. We did not even get to see any third party candidates up on the stage like Gary “What is Aleppo” Johnson. The entire election has been a total farce from day one, but tragically it is only now that we have come to truly see this. With all of the third-grade rhetoric, the lies, the ties to Wall Street, the scandals, and the shameless pandering, we unfortunately have lost sight of what really matters in this election. More than the congressional deadlock, more than voter suppression, more than the TPP, we need to talk about “guns” control.

I’m not talking about your 2nd Amendment rights to bearing arms, but rather your right to baring your arms. When the sun comes out, for many the guns come out, and this needs to change. Men should not be able to just show off their massive bulging muscles. In truth, it harms my fragile masculinity and threatens my unstable sexuality. More importantly, I don’t like it when other men have bigger muscles than my own.

I’ve emailed Congress 365 times in the past 365 days about creating legislation on “guns” control but they have not answered even one of my emails. As outrageous as this should be, at this point I expect nothing more from the failing U.S. government. Our faith has been reduced so much that many do not even plan to vote in this election, tragically.

Right now many American politicians are trying to reduce your ability to purchase a powerful firearm from a gun show. This is all well and good, but I still think we need to make it illegal for people to offer women “tickets to the gun show”. These men usually follow the offer up by kissing their biceps, which is just sick. This is not the kind of masculinity I want people to employ. I myself cannot offer tickets to a gun show, because I cannot confidently show off my woefully unimpressive biceps.

Overall, if there is one thing that I think people need to understand about American politics, it is that it can accurately mirror our own politics up here. Like in the U.S., in Canada too we should be talking about “guns control”. I hope can only hope that the U.S. presidential candidates do eventually discuss “guns control”, so that one day in the future maybe the entire world will have proper restrictions on men’s right to bare arms.