Golden Words Web Exclusives

In these dark times of mass abduction and serial orphan production, there remained a light at the end of the tunnel for the Rodriguez family. Unlike other immigrant parents that were being plucked from the grasp of their children and haphazardly deported out of the United States, the Rodriguez were overjoyed to at last escape the aura of inadequacy...
The City of Kingston and Queen's University will target problem partiers with stricter penalties, namely the death penalty, starting this fall. A pilot project in the city's University District, the area bordered by Barrie, King, Collingwood and Johnson streets, will be in force during move-in week in September, Homecoming week in October and St. Patrick's Day next March. During those periods...
On Thursday night, Ontario fetched itself a new political leader, with the election of Progressive Conservative leader Dog Ford. At 10:30pm, Dog Ford came on stage to address the rabid audience: “It’s woof-ficial!” he said, “The Conservatives are back to once again make Ontario great!” The crowd barked back slogans like “#MOGA” and “lock her up”, which are known...
Yesterday evening Billionaire Tony Stark was arrested at the Canada/USA Border after refusing to pay taxes imposed by the neighbouring countries on aluminum and steel. Canadian officials instructed him to pay a 25% tariff on his arsenal of metal exosuits, estimated at a worth exceeding $250 million. When Stark complained that his suits were made out of a nickel-titanium...
In a brazen effort to reclaim some loyalty in the polls, the Ontario Liberal Government has promised to legalize the use of the recreational party drug, Molly. This motion was revealed following Doug Ford’s “Buck a Beer” campaign, with the intent to strengthen their influence amongst youth voters. Kathleen Wynne, leader of the Liberal party, spoke at the press...