I thought of some more twin jokes so here’s another salty rant about the hard life of being an identical twin! I will make it my number one priority to decrease the salt concentration this time because for the last one the editors bleeped out and deleted some good quality, but brutal and inappropriate… profanity. I guess it was for the better.
Let’s begin! I know about 70% of the world has encountered a situation where they or someone they are with is sitting between a pair of twins. Holler if this applies to you! Great! Well something that really gets my goat is when someone says this: “Hey *insert inner person’s name*! You’re in a twin sandwich!!!” Then proceed to chuckle as the group notices the outrageousness of the very outrageous situation. I will follow up this scenario with a series of questions. Have you ever eaten a rye sandwich? A white bread sandwich? A pumpernickel sandwich? No. No you have not. Sandwiches are named after what is INSIDE of them so think about that the next time you see one of your kind sitting between two of my kind! If anything, it is a *person’s name* sandwich ON twin.
Next is a spitfire collection of what not say to a twin:
“It must suck to be the shorter twin huh.”
Doesn’t apply to me because we’re the same height, but I can just imagine the pain of hearing those words.
“So how does it feel to be the single one?”
This has applied to me yes. You people have no empathy. (<-salty)
“Hey *not my name*!!!”
– My mother
“If you guys are too far apart will you die?”
Yes! But it exceeds the diameter of the earth so we’re good.
Yes, twins do have the ability to take the other’s drivers test, can tag out halfway through a heated phone argument with one’s bae, can convince their mother that both of them are home through a series of quick clothing changes and a snoring.mp3 file because the other is out with some bad kids that mother won’t approve of, can blame the other for attempted murder of the other (kind of a dick move but it works), use the other’s ID if you forget yours, and…well..actually you know what, being a twin is pretty dank. Screw you all.