What Will The UK Ban Next?


The British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) has recently banned the following acts from appearing in UK produced pornography:




Aggressive whipping

Penetration by any object “associated with violence”

Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of  if consensual)

Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)

Role-playing as non-adults

Physical restraint


Female ejaculation





Though the list seems somewhat arbitrary as a guideline of what is “nice sex” and what is “not nice sex”, there must be some reasoning behind each decision made by such a supreme representation of the “voice of the people”. After all, the UK is a democracy which respects the rights and freedoms of its citizens.


For example, the last three items on the list – strangulation, fisting, and facesitting – have been identified as potentially “life endangering”.


In fact, Golden Words believe that BBFC has been too gentle in its rule enforcement. They really ought to have banned all the other things that they decide as life endangering. The following is a list of sex acts, compiled by Golden Words, that the BBFC should really ban:


Spanking Hip touching. Technically, there’s no difference between spanking and hip touching. Allowing hip touching will only result in a slippery slope of secret spanking. Hip touching should be banned from porn all together – no sex should involve hand-hip contact.

Caning Use of a rod-shaped object. The resemblance between the existence of a cane shaped object compared to the actual act of caning is uncanny. To avoid caning, there all rod-shaped should be banned. This includes, but are not limited to, canes, dildos, penises, water bottles, and limbs.

Aggressive whipping Whipped cream. The only difference between “aggressive” whipping and “nice and gentle” whipping is that gentle whipping isn’t good enough to produce whipped cream. The existence of whipped cream in porn can lead to viewers to contemplate the seriously violent act of whipping.

Penetration by any object “associated with violence” Penetration by any object. Association is very personal. Different people can associate all sorts of things to violence, depending on what kind of trauma they’ve received before. Therefore, to be fair, all penetration shall be banned from porn. Especially penetration by a body part such as a finger. Have you heard of the term “lay a finger on someone”? It’s very violent.

Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of  if consensual) Physical or verbal interaction (regardless of if consensual). Golden Words understands that “non-consensual” is part of the definition of abuse. Other ways to define abuse is less clear. To avoid confusion, all physical or verbal interaction between porn actors shall be banned.

Urolagnia (known as “water sports”) Playing with warm sterile fluids.

Role-playing as non-adults Role-playing as non-self. Because saying “I’m not myself” is inclusive of “I’m not older than 18 years of age”, any role-playing as non-self should be banned to avoid people secretly fantasizing they are non-adults.

Physical restraint Shutting of doors.

Humiliation Emotions.

Female ejaculation Ejaculation. Rules shouldn’t be racist. Porn should not involve ejaculation, regardless if it’s from the urethra or…the urethra.

Strangulation Irregularity of breathing. To maintain health and safety, porn actors must maintain a breathing frequency of 30 +/- 5 Hz.

Facesitting Sitting.

Fisting The use of hands.