What your Lecture Seat says about your Relationship with your Parents

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At the front: lol loser. You may think that you are being inconspicuous and everyone is thinking ‘wow they must really like to learn, I’d tap that’. False. Everyone in that room knows who you are and when at parties will refer to you as ‘that chick/dude that always sits at the front’. Don’t do it. That is not the legacy you want to have. Your parents will probably disown you if they knew. You’re probably the type to call house meetings every week and make passive aggressive comments because Sam didn’t clean her fucking dishes again.

In the second row: You’re probably thinking, what, is this chick stupid she already made one for the front. No dumbass, there is a gap between those two rows as large as the hole in my heart from the broken relationship with my parents. At least in the second row you might have a sliver of a chance of getting invited to a toga party. Although the issue with toga parties is when they inevitably get shut down so suddenly you’re violently running around the student ghetto in a puke stained bed sheet that’s hovering not covering.

 

The middle: wam bam jiggly jam you seem equal parts rad and intelligent. You seem to have a good balance of having friends and having fun!! You probably get your 150. I bet your parents love you.

The back: Seriously why are you even in class. I know it’s because your parents, who actually call you and paid your tuition, tell you to go, but being at the back doesn’t count. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE SLEEP IN CLASS WHEN YOU COULD JUST SLEEP IN BED??!?!?! Stop lying to yourselves, being in class not paying attention IS FUCKIN STUPID. Now you’re probably all hot and bothered being like ‘Who does this chick think she is?? I sit in the back and I pay attention’. Lies. You can’t hear the prof, they may have PhD’s but they do not know how to get a surround sound vibe. Plus, people do not shut up, it’s more lit at the back than patio ritual.

The sides: Hot damn this probably means you have a good group of friends. People who sit on the sides are religious about it. They always sit in the EXACT same spot with the same group of friends and the look on their faces when someone takes their seats is the same as mine when my parents remind me I’m a disappointment.

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