Half a year after the explosive debut of the Taylor Swift Goats, we revisit them to see where they’ve been since then. Charlie, the lead screamer, was kind enough to give us some time for an exclusive interview.
GW: Charlie, thanks for your time, how are you?
Charlie (Goat): AAAAUUUGGGHHH
GW: I must say, your voice is as good as ever.
Charlie (Goat): Thanks, I try to keep it in practice. I don’t really want to be one of those one hit wonders and the rest of the kids feel the same. The last thing we need is to be another Hoobastank.
GW: Another who?
Charlie (Still a goat): Exactly. It’s very easy in this world to do a funny one-off. We take ourselves very seriously as artists.
GW: But you’re a goat.
Charlie (An angry goat): See!? This is the kind of shit I’m talking about. I’ve had enough of people not letting me in cabs because I shit everywhere and chew car seats. I’m sick and tired of being in the recording studio and having people tell me “stop kidding around” every fucking time I make a mistake. This shit isn’t easy, you know? Following your dreams.
GW: Kendrick had a dream, would you say yours compares?
Charle (An angry and now Bewildered goat): I… Uh… I mean. I want to be a successful artist and bring joy to people.
Gw: That’s an honourable thing to do, we try to do the same
Charlie (A clearly unreasonable goat): Well, you need to stop fucking comparing yourself to us. You guys are some dipshit paper from backwater nowhere, who have like two funny jokes per issue
GW: It might seem that way when you eat the newspaper
Charlie (Pretty dumb for a goat): Yeah, fuck you, I’m going to be something some day. I have a future.
GW: Maybe as a delicious stew.
Charlie (How is this fucker even a mammal): You have a brilliant career ahead of you cleaning toilets with your tears, you insignificant shitstain.
GW: And you have a long career ahead of you as a has-been.
Charlie (A crushed and destroyed goat): AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH
GW: Yeah you keep working on that one buddy.