Which Lecture Hall has the Most Delicious Chairs?

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Cafeteria food gets old fast, and restaurants cost too much money. The true secret to dining well at university is to dine upon the forbidden meals of campus. I myself am a connoisseur of such fine foods, and the finest of all is the lecture hall seating. I have decided to bestow my knowledge upon the masses at long last, and so today I present my ratings of the auditoriums on campus based upon the delicacy of their chairs.

  • Ellis: A prime location in the center of campus, Ellis is the baseline by which all others are judged. With a sweet flavour but a salty aftertaste, this is a classic you can never go wrong with. 8/10
  • Duncan MacArthur: If you’re looking for an exotic western meal, look no further. Although the journey is long and arduous, this is a true all-you-can-eat buffet of upholstery. 12/10
  • Humphrey: I didn’t know this building existed until last week. Not sure why you’d ever go here, but it kind of tastes like shawarma. -5/-10
  • Stirling: Real passion and care is put into these seats. The smaller rooms can provide a more intimate and private experience, if that’s what you’re into. 6/9
  • Chernoff: Really wants to be Stirling, but just can’t live up. Not sure why everything always tastes so bitter, but the fizzing keeps it interesting. 5/7
  • Dunning: Everyone’s been here at one point or another. The chair equivalent of a Big Mac: it’s pretty alright, and better if you’re high. 4/20
  • Etherington: If the flavour wasn’t so dull, it could at least be passable. At least it’s always hot. 9/10
  • Biosciences: The only vegetarian chairs on campus, or that’s what my friends tell me. I don’t like to eat vegetarians, but if that’s your thing, go for it. 613/542/1111
  • Dupuis: An intense experience suitable only for the most experienced chair eaters. If you can find the auditorium, you’ll enjoy some of the most delicious seats there are. 5 stars.

 

-Captain Scragglybeard

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