Which Lecture Hall has the Most Delicious Chairs?


Cafeteria food gets old fast, and restaurants cost too much money. The true secret to dining well at university is to dine upon the forbidden meals of campus. I myself am a connoisseur of such fine foods, and the finest of all is the lecture hall seating. I have decided to bestow my knowledge upon the masses at long last, and so today I present my ratings of the auditoriums on campus based upon the delicacy of their chairs.

  • Ellis: A prime location in the center of campus, Ellis is the baseline by which all others are judged. With a sweet flavour but a salty aftertaste, this is a classic you can never go wrong with. 8/10
  • Duncan MacArthur: If you’re looking for an exotic western meal, look no further. Although the journey is long and arduous, this is a true all-you-can-eat buffet of upholstery. 12/10
  • Humphrey: I didn’t know this building existed until last week. Not sure why you’d ever go here, but it kind of tastes like shawarma. -5/-10
  • Stirling: Real passion and care is put into these seats. The smaller rooms can provide a more intimate and private experience, if that’s what you’re into. 6/9
  • Chernoff: Really wants to be Stirling, but just can’t live up. Not sure why everything always tastes so bitter, but the fizzing keeps it interesting. 5/7
  • Dunning: Everyone’s been here at one point or another. The chair equivalent of a Big Mac: it’s pretty alright, and better if you’re high. 4/20
  • Etherington: If the flavour wasn’t so dull, it could at least be passable. At least it’s always hot. 9/10
  • Biosciences: The only vegetarian chairs on campus, or that’s what my friends tell me. I don’t like to eat vegetarians, but if that’s your thing, go for it. 613/542/1111
  • Dupuis: An intense experience suitable only for the most experienced chair eaters. If you can find the auditorium, you’ll enjoy some of the most delicious seats there are. 5 stars.


-Captain Scragglybeard