Why BScE?

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Why choose engineering? Well, Queen’s engineering is one of the most visible faculties on campus: this January the frosh will start donning their vibrantly purple GPAs. This cherished band of (mostly) brothers is lauded for the difficulty and job applicability of their degree, as well the renowned family spirit of the faculty. Many people would generally applaud attempts to join the cult. But have you really thought about why you should proceed with your degree in engineering?

Besides the insignificant facts I just vomited in the paragraph above, engineering is awful. There is way too much work and too many people griping about it. Gotten sick of hearing from your friend about whatever bullshit the TA’s from APSC 200 heaped on her during her sixteenth MEA? Tired of hearing about how 112 is unpassable, when clearly people pass it every year? You can avoid all this by simply abandoning your degree in favour of literally anything else.

“But, but” I can hear you stutter now, intimidated by my evidently overpowering sexuality and skill at verbiage, “High job prospects.” That’s what commerce is for, ladies and gentlemen: they literally have no skills outside of being employed. What else is there to do with a commerce degree besides desperately climbing up the corporate ladder in order to keep up with the Joneses while losing connection with your family, friends then eventually 99% of the human race.

You’d miss out on the doldrum of the rat race and the catastrophic consequences of an addiction to prescription medication? “Well, there’s always the really good friends I’ve made here”… well while we’re talking about addictions to prescriptions… have you ever seen nurses hang out? I didn’t know there was a degree that, as a curriculum requirement, merges its students into one giant Sisterhood of the Travelling Scrubs? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d hate to work as a nurse, given that you work like a dog while being expected to know more practical stuff than a doctor with a fraction of the pay and prestige and double the stress, but studying nursing sounds like da bomb.

I can see your conviction towards your awful degree is faltering. I’m imagining you saying it right now: “Well, maybe I could use more time to myself….” Yes. I’ll just save you a little time: go into arts. While having virtually no work to do besides learn how to sound like an adult at dinner parties, Arts students manage to have the best prestige to work ratio throughout Queen’s. They get into a program at Queen’s for the low price of getting 90s in high school or the high price of paying for 90s in high school.

Or save yourself 60, 000 bucks, go home, skip to being unemployed for four years.  “Oh Two and a Half Black Men, that is such an original joke,” I imagine you giggle. “You’re so funny, clever and dauntingly attractive, but I just like the sciences and sharing my classes largely with nerdy dudes who will never talk to me unless I can beat a Korean at StarCraft.” Why didn’t you just say so? go into comp. sci or physics. “But I like the culty vibe of Eng?” Kin or better yet phys. ed: they put the cult mentality back into faCULTy.

Your grow feebler as we arrive at the root of the problem as you finally admit “I hate myself and enjoy my own pain and suffering and I feel like I’ll disappoint my parents if I do anything less lucrative.” Aha! We’ve arrived at the motivation of every aspiring engineer: masochism.

Fortunately for you there is a much less uncomfortable solution to facilitate your self-destructive academic tendencies. Join a genders class: if you’re a dude, you’ll hate yourself for being an oppressive patriarchal asshole, if you’re a girl you’ll hate yourself for allowing yourself to be twisted and shaped by our oppressive patriarchal asshole of a society and no matter who you are you’ll hate yourself for whatever restrictive, heteronormative, gender binary label you plastered all over your non-Kinsey-scaled asshole. Shame on you for not being a feminist, you homophobe, shame on you for appropriating the term and stealing the spotlight (it’s called the WOMEN’s rights movement), or finally shame on you for defining yourself by your opposition to men; feminism is about EQUALITY.

In unrelated news, a week after this article was published, transfer applications to engineering jumped 500%

 

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