Why So Cold: in defense of frost week


Dear Editor,

I would first like to apologize for having missed last week’s issue. After reading the scathing remarks plaguing the pages of the first Golden Words this year, I quickly limped home eager to begin this defense. Unfortunately I don’t remember much between that and waking up in KGH yesterday. Something to do with “hypothermia”, whatever that is. Nevertheless, here are some of the reasons I believe Frost Week should be celebrated next year.

First off, university is a learning experience, from finding out just how many points one can accumulate before actually getting kicked out of Res, to the difference between three drinks and thirty. This was no different. Every single person who completed Frost Week learned something that Friday. What exactly, we still don’t know, but definitely something. We thought at first that it was the difference between frostbites. It’s too bad that later results contradicted that assumption…

Secondly, engineering is all about community. And we did this to feel unanimous. In December of any engineer’s first year, they get the chance to don the GPA and feel the warmth of the faculty surround them. Similarly, each and every one of us felt that lovely burning sensation. For some reason it was not in our heart this time around, but rather concentrated in our extremities, but we ran with it. After all, the passion was there (somewhere), and that’s what counts.

I don’t understand why everyone is complaining though.  We only lost a third of the people who started, which I might add is still better than Western. Plus, the health benefits for those who stayed were incredible. In Sweden, it is customary to heat oneself in a sauna and then go and jump in the lake to cool off. We were too badass, and the lake was frozen over, so we just went in and out of Ellis. Beyond that, some participants had miraculous stories. Billy Bob Cletus actually thanked me for asking him to do it. Now he no longer has to answer any awkward questions about having eleven toes. And Nicole was thankful because with eight fingers she now has an excuse never to code the MatLab script ever again!

Never mind the health though, look at the social aspect. As an aspiring EngPhysicistineer, I was shocked to find girls were actually talking to me! Sure, it would only be to call me crazy, or offer to get me help, or even to say nothing at all but simply smile sympathetically. Man, those smiles kept me going. They were the most action I’ve had at Queen’s, and I will take what I can get.

Since September, people have been coming at me from left, right, and centre to get involved: come to MAST, we have big poles; come to AeroDesign, we’re higher than kites; come to EngSoc, we have cool people (no, seriously, we do. We swear!). Well, joke was on them. I had already been involved since August. But, while I waited on Ladder Committee to get back to me, I figured I might as well give something else a try. What an experience too! Most activists would have killed to get the coverage we got. If only we had some sort of cause, like next year we could tie it to charity: freeze your balls off for testicular cancer.

I can only pity Golden Words and their heinous habit of sticking to mainstream ideologies. I used to respect this paper. I used to think that it would challenge such mainstream delusions such as “common sense” and “basic health care”, but now I understand that it’s all a hoax. All along now I realise that Golden Words is nothing but a mouthpiece for the winter clothing industry. I am so disgusted that you force poor children in third world countries to sew boots when they haven’t even experienced the joys of winter. Shame on you, Golden Words. Shame.

Jack and Jill Frost