So it’s that time of year when the staff of Golden Words are replaced by equally unqualified individuals. Lately my articles have only been published because I was doing unspeakable things to one of the editors. My articles are not funny, lack creativity, and are generally too short to even bother publishing. Take this article for example. It is just shit. A straight trash article. Like I don’t even want to finish it. How am I going to write at least a page in word to make this a quarter page on the newspaper. This is some real inside info about how this newspaper is run. To get published, I, a struggling writer, had to bang the editor. The editor!!! The traumas that I had to endure through these past seven months have been terrible. Now, I have to try and get into the pants of these new editors. They don’t look like the type of people to let me into their pants. They are wearing the same hoodies right now. This is weird.
Do you know what is weird? How writing for this paper has not improved my writing at all. I expected to learn something coming here week after week, but all I learned is that no one knows how to write articles. We had to take English till Grade 12. How did I learn nothing? My English language skills must have peaked in Grade 9. All that happened after that was failing English proficiency after English proficiency test until at some point they just said “please fuck off, I never want to see you ever again.”
The truth is I have actually been writing for this thing called “Golden Words” for a social experiment too see how low the publishing standards are. Turns out they are low. I once proposed that we live stream me pooping and talking with the audience and it was almost okayed. Supposedly I am not good enough looking and have super terrible chat. Another staff writer said we should recreate the crucifixion scene of the passion of the Christ with the frosh writers. It was only vetoed due to the fact it might be seen as hazing. That last idea was pretty creative and not low quality. Do not confuse this for intelligence. This was just a good day. These are the type of people that like the new Chainsmokers and Coldplay songs. No one fucking likes The Chainsmokers and why the fuck are Coldplay on one of their tracks. Coldplay hasn’t made a good album in years. The words “good album” and “Coldplay” have not been in the same sentence since 2008 and even that was questionable. Golden Words are the type of people that like A Head Full Of Dreams. They think Justin Bieber has a good moral compass. The low standards the people are astronomical and this paper shows this off. They still play Levels by Avicci at parties. Fuck these people and fuck me for writing this article.
Back to the semi-point of the article: Any tips on how to put my tip in these editors. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!